


and the warmth will never die

by Junkyard_Rose



Series: warmth [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood, Coming of Age, Families of Choice, Gen, Homelessness, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-11 20:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13532229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junkyard_Rose/pseuds/Junkyard_Rose
Summary: Taako’s been gone for maybe two years when Lup thinks she sees him shoplifting from a Hot Topic.





	1. i

Lup finds the violin at a garage sale in some Podunk town when they’re maybe thirteen. It’s old and dull and screeches like a cat fight when she tries to play it, and the lady selling it smiles when Lup hands over a fistful of grubby notes. “That was my husband’s,” she says, and, “Hold on, there’s a book somewhere, you can have that for free.”

While Lup’s thumbing through the book – chicken scratch compositions written in the margins, a lot of music words Lup only half-remembers printed on the pages – Taako’s digging through piles of knick-knacks and sporting equipment to unearth a set of chipped tableware, a frying pan, two pots, three potato peelers, and a spatula that looks almost new.  

“Present for your mother?” the lady guesses when Taako pulls out a wallet that’s definitely not his to pay. “Let me get you a box for all that, sweetheart.”

They loose most of the cooking equipment a few months later when they get chased out of the condemned house they’ve been sleeping in, but Lup manages to hold onto the violin. She tucks the case between her backpack and her shoulders, snug and secure, and keeps it there.

 

* * *

 

Taako’s been gone for maybe two years when Lup thinks she sees him shoplifting from a Hot Topic. She sees a glimpse of a person with hacked-off bleach blonde hair brush past a sunglasses display and take a pair so smoothly she almost doesn’t notice. She’s frozen in the aisle for a moment before she’s running after him but he’s melted away into a crowd of shoppers, and that’s when mall security notices she’s also shoplifting from the Hot Topic, and that’s the fifth time Lup gets arrested.

 

* * *

 

When they lived on Tostada’s farm, the old man had a list of chores written up. “I’m feeding you and clothing you,” he’d say, all gruff, “but you’re going to earn your damn keeps." Once they’d get done sweeping the stable floors and feeding the chickens Tostada didn’t give a damn what they did, which meant they were free to wander. Taako had never seen as much space as the farm had to offer before; wide open fields for the livestock, sheds and the chicken run and the old barn. There was a pond good for swimming and a lake good for fishing a couple miles down the road, more farms to the east, and woods to the west. There were dogs and cats and an elderly bird in a cage on the porch. Taako had never seen so many animals in one place either.

Lup liked to hang out with the older cousins who looked after the horses and cattle. They taught her how to ride a quadbike and then a dirt bike and teased her in Spanish when she nearly coughed a lung up trying to smoke a cigarette, but Taako took to horseback riding like a duck to water. Horses didn’t run out of fuel, he argued, and they weren’t allowed to take the bikes off the property anyway, so he made them do most of their exploring on horseback, Taako easily and confidently, Lup a little unsteady in the saddle.

They were nearly twelve then, which Tostada figured was plenty old enough to ride into town on their own, so sometimes he’d send them off with a grocery list and enough money to stop for a milkshake on the way back, and other times they’d go exploring the woods for hours at a time, swimming and fishing and poking around the edges of people’s properties. Once they got chased off with a by a woman with a gun and once Lup accidentally started and then extinguished a small forest fire. She got music lessons from a high schooler in town and Taako got a ribbon for prancing around on Garyl at the county fair.

Tostada died in the upstairs bathroom in the middle of the night. One of the cousins told Lup his heart gave out while he was taking a shit, which she guessed must have been true because the house stank for days. Tostada’s oldest daughter – their aunt, Taako supposed – came back from the city to organise the funeral and sell the farm. It took longer than Taako would have thought; she stuck around for a few weeks, tidying the place up and evaluating assets and teaching them to cook. She was stern and soft, and she looked like their mother. Taako didn’t remember that, but Lup did.

The cousins, one by one, slipped away to find new jobs. Their aunt gave away most of the chickens and cooked up the rest, and she sold all the horses. Taako cried when they took Garyl away, and their aunt sat him down at the kitchen table, wiped his face clean, and taught him how to make the good chicken soup. “In the city I’m a chef,” she tells him. “I live alone, in a small apartment. I don’t make much money, but I love what I do. Most of what I earn, I spent on medicine and doctors. Turn the heat down a little, or it will burn.” She waited for Taako to comply, and then continued. “Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

“You’re giving us to the state,” Taako answered. He’d heard to the phone call.

“Yes,” their aunt said. “It’s not what your mother wanted, but it is what must be done. I will make sure you and your sister get the money from the farm, one day. Go get the bread. Be careful, it’s hot.” She set three places at the table, and Taako went to find Lup. The social worker came to get them the next day in a dusty grey car, and the last Taako saw of the farm was it vanishing behind them, their aunt standing tall and sad in the driveway.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s easiest to be homeless in beach towns. They’re transient places. Unaccompanied children are common and most of the beaches have free cold water showers for tourists to rinse the sand off. They’re maybe fifteen and Lup’s had a growth spurt, so she passes as eighteen easy enough and gets a job waiting tables at a bar near the beach. Taako whines about what the humidity’s doing to his hair and washes dishes during the day at some little diner, and at night he hustles tourists at pool in Lup’s bar and tries to flirt with her co-workers. He spends every spare second in the water, almost as graceful on a surfboard as he’d been on Garyl’s back.

The tourist crowd pack up and leave eventually and work slows down. Lup has her first kiss in that town, and Taako has his first love. They stay there right through the autumn, until locals start learning their names and asking complicated questions about their past and then they pack their things and get on a bus.

 

* * *

 

 

There’s a library once, right after they leave the last foster home, when they’re barely twelve and don’t know how to survive yet. They’d hang out there all day when they could because it was warm and they were cold. Lup must have read every book in that library that winter, but she always liked the old sci-fi best. Taako would curl up on a beanbag chair and go to sleep, and she’d read and read and read until the librarian kicked them out. They did a lot of sleeping on the ground that winter, and did a lot of running, and went hungry more often than not, but that library was always there.

 

* * *

 

Taako doesn’t remember how their parents died, and he doesn’t remember their mother even though Lup does, and neither of them remember their father at all, but it doesn’t really bother him. He has his sister; why would he need anyone else?

 

* * *

Merle Highchurch is an elderly hippie who lives in a shack near the beach. Taako is seventeen and what his case worker calls a _problem child_. He’s almost proud of that reputation; he’s only been back in the system a month. There’s already a kid Taako’s age being fostered at Highchurch’s crunchy little shack. The whole house smells faintly like weed, dirt, and oddly flowers, and the kid is about six and a half feet tall and voluntarily refers to himself as Magnus Burnsides.

Taako figures this placement won’t last long; the sooner he gets out of here, the sooner he can go find his sister.


	2. ii

There’s another library in another city when Lup’s reasonably certain she’s twenty. There’s a girl with shockingly white streaks in her storm-cloud hair and sensible shoes re-shelving books and it’s raining outside. Her nametag read _Lucretia_ in careful letters and she ducks away from Lup’s smile, shyly.

Lup makes herself comfortable in a deflating lime green bean bag with a book in her lap and watches Lucretia and her artist’s hands straightened up the shelves. Every now and then she glances in Lup’s direction covertly from behind her wire-framed glasses.

 

* * *

 

 

The riot had _sucked_. Taako’s not a fan of violence in general, but the riot had especially sucked.

Magnus Burnsides listens to the story with rapt attention, breaking in every now and then to ask a rushed question. Taako loves talking but he hates talking about himself, and he’s trying to down play how much it had sucked. Every other sentence he goes to say Lup’s name and then pulls himself up short. She’s none of Magnus Burnsides’ business.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup spends a good few months scouring the streets looking for Taako. He’s just gone, and no one seems to know where or why or how. Lup’s still got butterfly sutures tickling her hair line and a broken knuckle and the smell of blood lingering in her nose. She hangs around in that city making a big noise of her brother’s name for months and the closest she ever gets to him is a sheepishly admitted _yeah I think I saw him on TV getting packed into a cop car_ from some boy who was supposed to love her brother.

When it comes time to leave she seeks out friends and strangers and lovers and tells them to remember, _if he comes back tell him I’ve gone north. If he comes back tell him to meet me at that first library. If he comes back –_

He doesn’t.

 

* * *

 

 

Once when they were about eight they lived with some cousin on their father’s side in a little house near a church. The cousin had a husband and a little baby and hardly enough food to put on the table. Taako and Lup slept on a bunkbed in the basement and make up languages to whisper in, nonsense words that wrapped heavy around her tongue and tripped her up but Taako could sing like a hymn. The basement was a graveyard for the cousin’s memories, full of 30-year-old family photo albums and dusty records and hand-me-down’s the cousin couldn’t bear to throw out. She took the twins to the thrift store a couple of times – school uniforms, new shoes, a winter jacket – and that’s what the basement smelled like, mothballs and old love gone stale.

They lived in that basement for months, listening to the cousin and her husband fight upstairs and the baby howl. Taako broke a window once and it never got fixed, so a draught blew through that basement and bit cold to their bones. Lup doesn’t remember the cousins face but she remembers that time Taako laughed so hard he fell off the bed and split his lip open, and she remembers holding the baby as it babbled at her and tugged at her hair, and she remembers the cousin catching her and Taako breaking into her makeup bag and all she did was fix their messy lipstick instead of scolding them.

 

* * *

 

 

Someone must have warned Merle he was a flight risk because Taako is very carefully not under house arrest: he’s just not allowed to leave.

Merle’s shack is out next to the middle of nowhere in a field near a grey-sand beach. There’s a bus stop down the road that takes him into what might be the dullest little town he’s ever passed through and a hippie commune blatantly growing pot around the corner. Weeds curls up from the cracks in the bitumen. Taako climbs out the window while Merle’s sleeping.

Magnus Burnsides invites himself along. Taako half thinks he’s dreaming when he hears someone shouting his name from within the pre-dawn mist. The sea breeze is blowing in thick off the ocean and whipping his long hair across his face, obscuring his eyes, wailing like a widow and fucking up his hearing. For a second he think it’s Lup, somehow, and then Magnus comes striding out of the grey-white haze like a ship, waving.

 

* * *

 

 

When they’re thirteen (fourteen?) they’re couch-surfing with a couple of college-age but not college-attending cousins. The cousins are gone for the night and Taako’s bullying an unappealing can of soup into being appetizing via the liberal application of spices.

Lup asks, “Think they’ll come after us?” and Taako gives her a considering look.

“We ran off,” he begins, stirs the soup on the old gas stovetop, tastes it, frowns, adds a dash of ginger. Tostada’s oldest daughter was already dead by the time they found her. She hadn’t wanted them anyway, Lup had reasoned, but they’d thought she might reconsider when they told her how awful it was in the system. Lup had her speech all planned out, _Please, Tía, they call us by the wrong names, we can’t stay there, we can get jobs and stuff if you let us live with you and you can keep teaching us cooking._ She’d been dying that whole time, Taako reckoned. He’d known-but-not-known. Lup, staring down at her brand new grave stone smelling freshly churned earth and somber flowers, had been _furious_.

She butters slices of supermarket brand bread and sets the table and waits for her brother to continue. Taako weighs his words carefully, like they’re made of gold, but it doesn’t seem to matter because he never seems to choose the right ones anyway.

“We did definitely run off,” he says, “but they never really cared about us anyway, so maybe they won’t look. It’s the _state_ , they,” he stops, looks for the right words. Lup waits. “They, they’re busy people. We’ll be fine, long as we stick together.”

 

* * *

 

 

There’s this one dude at the library who just really pisses Lup off. He’s not a bad dude, theoretically, he’s just always where Lup doesn’t want him to be. He’s sitting in her favourite beanbag (the purple one, because it’s next to the heater), he’s typing on her favourite computer (the one with the glittery stickers on the mouse), he’s reading the only copy of the book she wanted (the conclusion to an obscure sci-fi trilogy from forty years ago, _‘Secrets of Taxidermy’_ , a scientific article on engineering breakthroughs, _‘One Hundred Puns and Fart Jokes to Frustrate Friends’)._ He’s chatting to Lucretia and making her smile when Lup still can’t get more than a cursory _hello_ or _good book?_ He’s sneaking food into the library and making Lup hungry by proximity. She hates him more than she can vocalise.

One time he catches her glaring enviously at his bag of crisps – he’s eating them very carefully with a pair of chopsticks so he doesn’t transfer crisp dust from his hand to the book – and wordlessly offers them to her from across the table. So he’s not all bad, even if he does wear the same damn pair of jeans every day.

 

* * *

 

When Taako manages to go two whole weeks without running away, Merle sits him down, offers him a bong hit (“ _Really,_ old man?” “You need to chill, son.” “I’m not your fucking son.” “You’re proving my point, is what you are.”) and tries to talk to him about his future.

“They tell me you haven’t been in school for a while,” Merle says. “But I was thinkin’, the new school year starts soon, and you don’t have to do it, but might be you’d like to go.”

Taako says, “Listen.” and then, “No.”

And Merle says, “Well, okay,” and smokes the hit himself.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus comes striding out of the mist like a ship’s hull breaking through a wave. “Where you going?” he asks, like this is a casual encounter and Taako doesn’t have everything he owns in a backpack he’s clutching white-knuckled and enough stolen money for a bus ticket in his pocket.

Taako says, before he can stop himself, “To find my sister, bubs, and you aren’t invited.” He watches Magnus process ‘sister’ and visibly stop himself from letting all the subsequent questions spill out of him like a bursting damn.

“Okay,” Magnus Burnsides starts, speaking carefully. “Its real cold, Taako, and it’s a long walk to the bus stop,” Taako turns his back, fights the wind, flicks his hair back out of his eyes. “So I better show you my shortcut,” Magnus continues.

 

* * *

 

God, but Lup fucking hates being in jail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> into the abyss we continue. i have a title now.


	3. iii

Taako’s twenty-two and has an apartment with mustard yellow linoleum. He has a job at a half decent restaurant and he’s not washing dishes anymore. The apartment has a leak in the ceiling and his legal name on the lease. It’s been five years.

 

* * *

 

 

“I am absolutely serious,” Lup insists on the tail end of a giggle, throwing an arm around Barry’s shoulder and dragging him closer. She’s drunk and flushed and the night air is cool enough to be shocking. In these shoes she towers above Barry and she’s gotta lean down to hear his reply as they pass a bar and a wave of sound drifts out, people talking and acoustic music twisting around each other like vines.

“I do believe you,” Barry forces out between laughter. “I just – why are we even arguing about Star Wars?” Barry is a trekkie to the bone, even if he genuinely believes the prequels are good. Lup’s a little too unsteady on her feet to be graceful, but it’s fine because Barry’s holding her up.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup’s long gone by the time Taako steps off the bus with Magnus Burnsides still chatting in his ear. Taako’s probably very rude to him as he methodically searches all their old hangouts – their sleeping places, wherever they’d find work, where they’d hang out. At one place they’d couch-surfed at for a while Taako finds a boy he’d been fucking who tells him Lup’s been and gone.

“What’s the message?” Taako asks. The boy had always been more into Taako than Taako was to him. It’s just a tad awkward in this too-hot apartment with Magnus fucking Burnsides at his elbow. “She would have left me a message,” Taako bites out. “What was it?”

This boy’s high on something, blinks up at them. “Something about a laundromat?” He says, like a guess. “Maybe, I dunno – I missed you.”

“Natch,” says Taako, dry as a dust storm. ”Thanks, really, that’s so helpful. We’re leaving now.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s Davenport of all people who posts her bail. Lucretia’s hovering nervously by his elbow when Lup gets released, personal items returned, stolen items not.

“What were you thinking?” Lucretia asks outside. She’s wringing her hands in the sleeves of her cardigan but her voice doesn’t waiver.

“I was better with someone watching my back,” Lup says instead of answering. She’s not much bothered, here in the daylight. “I’ll pay you back, Cap. Thanks.” 

Davenport gives her a look. Lup still thinks it’s funny when he tries to act like he’s her father. “Don’t worry about the money, just don’t do it again," he says patiently, like he knows Lup works three jobs and lives in an apartment with four people she dislikes. “And don’t thank me. Lucretia called me. She was awfully worried.”

Was that normal for just-a-co-worker, Lup wondered. Maybe just-a-friend, but Lup wasn’t sure they counted as that. She said, “Thanks, Luce,” as sincerely as she knows how, meets Lucretia’s beautiful brown eyes. Worry’s normal when one watches their employee get hauled off by the cops, Lup supposes. She’s not bothered about the charges; it was only a very small theft. She’d just missed it.

“Don’t do it again,” Lucretia repeats sternly, but she’s smiling.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus calls Taako in the middle of a shift to invite him to his courthouse wedding.

“Did you knock her up?” is the first thing Taako asks when Magnus’ excited gushing slows down enough for Taako to get a word in edgewise. Taako is smoking in a bathroom stall because it’s offensively windy outside and it took him twenty minutes to braid his hair.

“Fuck you,” Magnus replies cheerfully. “No. If we’re married she’ll get more money for her student loans.”

“Fraud,” Taako says, pleased. “Okay, great, what time?”

“Um, wedding’s at three but Jules was wondering if you could do a cake to celebrate?”

“Hell yeah, my man, I’ll see you soon,” Taako drops the smoke into the toilet and makes eye contact with his manager as he wanders out of the bathroom. Dude ducks his head away, and Taako grins. “I’m leaving,” Taako says. It’s not a question.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup’s not secretly feuding with jeans guy anymore, and she’s not the asshole who’ll hit on Lucretia while she’s working, so that particular library is losing its appeal. She’s read all the good stuff. She’s thinking maybe it’s time to go check that first library again, see if Taako’s finally made it there years late and gotten any of her messages. She’s thinking about this when she catches sight of Lucretia pinning up flyers to the notice board, and drifts over to read it. It’s advertising the _Gay-Lesbian Book Club_ in rainbow Word-Art letters. Lup raises an eyebrow at Lucretia. “That new?”

“No,” Lucretia answers. “It’s just been Captain Davenport and I for years, though. I thought I might advertise it a little, find some new members.”

“Cool,” Lup says. “You take trans people?”

“Oh, of course,” Lucretia answers. “We take everyone, the name’s a little outdated.”

“Sweet,” Lup takes a flyer. “I might see you there, then,” and the smile that blooms across Lucretia’s face is just so beautiful.

“I’ll be looking forward to it,” Lucretia says, and blushes when Lups grins back.

 

* * *

 

 

There was this umbrella this one time. Lup got it – from a garage sale, or maybe she just stole it from some umbrella stand. Either way she had it when they were fourteen and it just wouldn’t stop raining, when the city council wherever they were sleeping were cracking down on homelessness and installing spikes in every dry corner they might have slept it. Lup had this umbrella and she made a shelter with it and some old coats they found, and it was almost like sleeping in a tent and they could pretend they were camping.

Lup woke up once and Taako was gone and she was all alone, and for a second she forgot she was supposed to be too old to be scared of enclosed spaces and she panicked. Taako came back from a breakfast run and found her trembling on the curb in the rain. His hood was up over his face and he held her until she stopped shaking.

 

* * *

 

 

Merle’s waiting when they step in through the back door, defeated. He’s eating a bowl of cereal and talking softly to a houseplant. Taako’s still got everything he owns in his backpack, and no money in his pocket. Magnus had finally stopped chatting.

“Morning, boys,” Merle says, like Taako’s not a flight risk. “Fun night out?”

“No,” Taako says, and stomps off the room he’s sleeping in. The duvet is tie-dye and there’s some climbing plant hanging off the light fixture. A little while later he hears Magnus’ heavy footsteps down the hall, and Magnus pokes his head in without knocking to offer him a bowl of cereal.

 

* * *

 

 

Jeans guy takes one of the new and improved _LGBT Book Club_ flyers. Lup thinks, _huh._

 

* * *

 

 

The wedding is cheap and rushed and embarrassing, of course. Taako’s a witness, as is Julia’s craggy-faced father who watches the proceedings with resigned fondness and dutifully produces the rings. Julia looks a vision in a yellow dress and her work boots and Magnus is grinning like a fool. Everyone is appropriately appreciative of Taako’s cake. It’s alright, he supposes.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, I was wondering,” Barry’s always a little nervous when they talk even though they’ve been friends for like, a month. “One of my roommates bailed, and I wasn’t sure if you, uh. Had a place to sleep.”

“I gotta roof,” Lup muses. “Roommates, plural?”

“Me and one other guy,” Barry elaborates. “He’s cool. Classy goth, if that’s a thing. I’ve been thinking of inviting him to book club.”

Lup lives with four people she dislikes. She tries to avoid being there as much as possible. “What’s rent like?”

 

* * *

 

 

Merle convinces Taako to go back to school, eventually, and never tries to stop him from going looking for Lup. Taako’s been out of school since the sixth grade; he’s still the smartest person in class, naturally, but it’s an adjustment and he misses his sister and he half wants to quit. Magnus sits next to him in class and passes him notes and comes with him on his Lup-finding excursions. Taako tries to find a way to shake him but nothing every sticks. He’s stuck with the big guy, but it beats being alone.  

 

* * *

 

 

The kid is a surprise.


	4. iv

Lucretia’s got an expensive car and sometimes when it’s raining or a heat wave or late in the evening or just because she offers to drive Lup home. The car smells like new leather and Lucretia, like books and some perfume that’s probably made from blue flowers. Lucretia is funny, which Lup never expected, and she’s patient and clever and sketches in notebooks, in journals, on scrap paper.

One day Lup glances over at her from behind a computer as she’s checking out a dog-eared textbook to a college student and Lucretia’s taking a moment to roll on clear Chapstick. Her posture’s perfect but she can’t seem to help biting down on her bottom lip the way she does, carefully recapping the Chapstick and dropping it into the cardigan pocket where she keeps her spare ballpoint pen and her glasses case.

Lup hands over the textbook and turns to smile at the next person in line, a little girl with a stack of reptilian and arachnid books piled high in her arms. She doesn’t look back over at Lucretia.

 

* * *

 

 

“I _would_ know!” Magnus pokes Taako in the ribs. He’s got a beer in his other hand. “I’ve raised three children!”

“Um, no, you fuckin’ haven’t!” Taako crows. His hair’s falling out of his bun and he’s leaning on Magnus’ shoulder. Late autumn’s getting cold, but Magnus is so big and warm and he keeps the soft afghans Taako likes around.

“Yes I fuckin’ _have_ ,” Mags insists loudly. “Just because they’re dogs doesn’t mean they’re not my kids!” 

“You’re full of _shit_ ,” Taako’s not drinking but he’s so full of laughter and company he feels drunk from it. Julia’s inside doing something rowdy with her cop friend who’s always getting Taako out of parking tickets and the cop friend’s gearhead girlfriend. Taako’s out on the porch telling Magnus about The Kid. The older dogs are inside in the warm but gangly Junior is chasing a moth around the yard.

“Hey, hey,” Magnus interrupts, sloppy serious. His sideburns are scratching the top of Taako’s head but his shoulder really is a great pillow. Taako loves him and hates that it feels like a betrayal. “If you don’t want the kid,” Magnus says, “You can drop him off here. Or take him to Merle’s. How long’s it been since we talked to Merle?”

“Like, four days,” Taako elbows him gently. “We can’t just grab The Kid, that’s called kidnapping, homie. Who says we have to get involved anyway? He’s probably fine on his own.”

“You said he’s like eight!”

“Could be a small twelve, I’ve never asked.”

“ _Taako_.”

Taako groans and buries his face into Mags’ shirt, says, “I’m not getting involved with The Kid.”

 

* * *

 

 

They’ve got a good thing going. Lup does the cooking, naturally, Barry’s the dishes and vacuuming guy, and Kravitz makes everyone do their laundry. They take turns cleaning the bathroom and taking out the trash. It’s the most functional roommate arrangement Lup’s ever had. They’re cool with her hanging out in her underwear and Lup’s unbothered by the weird hours Barry keeps and how long Kravitz takes getting ready in the morning even though he hogs the bathroom for the better part of an hour. Every now and then Lup will accidentally set something on fire and Barry keeps dead things in jars in the fridge and Kravitz paces laps of the hall when he’s stressed. Lup’s definitely lived with worse people.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako wins a motorcycle in a game of cards, which is objectively badass, but the thing’s a piece of shit and spends most of its life immobile in Magnus’ garage while Taako saves up for repairs so mostly he just takes the train. That’s where he doesn’t-meet The Kid for the first time, a soggy little curly-haired nerd politely ignoring Taako as Taako politely ignores him. It’s just them and a homeless lady snoozing further down the car and Taako’s wondering if the kid slept with a roof over his head last night. He doubts it.

Taako gets of the train a stop early and walks the rest of the way to work as dawn rises properly. It’s not his business.

 

* * *

 

 

Not long before the riot they were in this medium town when a carnival rolled in with the summer breeze, and they didn’t ask for ID or anything, just handed them a pair of gross logo t-shirts and put them to work. Lup’s half-baked dreams of running off and joining the circus die there with the yellowing grass. It’s a hard summer, cleaning up candyfloss puke, picking up rubbish, selling tickets or manning a hotdog cart if they’re really lucky. The flashing lights and constant wall of noise gave Taako migraines. The pay’s only decent but the workers throw good parties. Lup loses her virginity in the haunted house. No one notices or cares when they find a relatively quiet place to curl up and sleep, and naturally they take everything not nailed down when they leave. That summer was too hot and too long and Lup was always thirsty and out of breath. They let her assist with the fourth of July fireworks and Taako spent a week bemoaning that she’s going to burn the carnival down. She doesn’t, though, it’s just a big beautiful bang, bright and loud and colourful. Someone hands her a can of cheap lukewarm beer and Taako finds a joint somewhere and there’s music and it’s the best night in a long time, for a long time.  

 

* * *

 

 

Angus likes those kid mystery novels and French toast and he keeps stealing Taako’s good soft blankets. He’s nosy and chatty and tries real hard to be tidy but he’s only a little kid. He’s got a bad wet cough and a nose that won’t stop running and a wheeze like a death rattle in his chest but every day he breathes a little easier.

 

* * *

 

 

“You spend almost as much time here as I do,” Lucretia comments one night after book club. Lup’s not really walking her to her car, but she kind of also is. There’s a chill in the air and Lucretia’s got her thick white coat and soft blue scarf wrapped light around her. She’s very intently looking at Lup and the waning yellow streetlights and soft moonlight and the neon sign of the 24 hour pizza place across the road are distorting the everything. Lucretia’s always bolder at night.

Lup runs hot, usually, but she’s feeling the chill in her worn thin boots and her ripped up jeans and the sweet red leather jacket she found in a thrift store a few cities back. She wants to duck into the pizza place and eat something greasy and warm. She wants to stand here shivering for however long Lucretia will keep looking at her like that.

“You getting sick of me?” Lup asks, only half a joke.

“Quite the opposite,” Lucretia says. Lup doesn’t know shit about art but Lucretia’s got a smile like some old painting, careful and soft and lovely. “I was thinking I might start paying you.” Sometimes it is hard to know when Lucretia’s joking, but Lup’s looking at her and her dark eyes are serious.

“Legit?”

“Legit,” Lucretia repeats like it’s some other language. She’s Lup’s age but she seems so much older. Lup always wants to know about her. “Theoretically you’d need a degree, but I’m, I have sway with the owner. You could get the training.”

Lup’s heart is making like a wild rabbit in her chest. “Beats flipping burgers,” she says, rocks back on her feet. Those are butterflies in her stomach. Lup’s housing a whole damn ecosystem in her anxiety.

“I suppose it would,” Lucretia’s wearing diamonds in her ears and has never worked for minimum wage and here she is offering Lup a miracle in her gently manicured hands.

“I’ll take it,” Lup says.

 

* * *

 

 

“If you piss me off you’re out,” Taako says, “If you steal from me I will hunt you down, little man, believe that. If you’re contagious I’m ditching you at a hospital. As soon as the snow stops you’re gone. Capiche?”

The Kid nods without paying attention. He’s staring at Taako’s shitty little apartment like it’s a palace, shivering. Taako reaches over to turn up the thermostat and repeats, “ _Capiche,_ little dude?”

“Capiche, sir,” The Kid parrots, and then, hesitantly: “My name’s Angus McDonald.”


	5. v

Lup lost her violin on the same night she lost her brother. Comparatively, she hadn’t missed it much. Barry took piano lessons as a kid and there’s videos of undergrad-era Kravitz playing the cello on youtube.

“Imagine,” Lup says, grinning around the neck of her beer, “In another life we could have been in an orchestral rock band.” Lup used to spent countless hours busking on street corners, in subway stations, at festivals. Taako would hang around nearby, watching where everyone kept their wallets, and pickpocket the stingier donors. They’d never hit the same place twice and Lup never had anything fancy like sheet music or sound equipment; she had the scribbled compositions in that garage sale book and her own damn brain. Even when she was so hungry she thought she might fall down she liked the thinking on her feet part; what sounded good with what, what could she make a song out of, what would grab the attention of the business woman in four hundred dollar shoes who carelessly tipped in ten dollar notes.

She liked having all sorts of people listen to her, fancy people and middle-class people and people like them. Homeless folk who would gather around and listen for hours and hours and always give more than the rich folk did. She liked it when people would come up to her when she was taking a break and ask her questions about how long she’d been playing, where she’d learned. She liked lying to them; _I played since I was a baby, I go to performing arts school, my parents taught me, it’s just a hobby, I’m raising money for a school trip._ She liked buying Taako baskets full of stuff from the Chinese grocery store after she packed up for the day and watching him turn it into something delicious.

Lup moved her stuff – a duffle bag, one backpack, everything her shitty roommates wouldn’t (or would) notice gone – into the empty room in Barry and Kravitz’ apartment two and a half days ago. Kravitz showed her how to get up on the roof and they collected Barry and they’re sitting on a picnic blanket talking over the traffic passing by below. Lup can see the white stone of the library from here, rising up over the green foliage of the public park. It’s a good neighbourhood.  Lup wonders how long it’ll be before she leaves.

 

* * *

 

 

Merle always shows up for birthdays and holidays. Taako’s only half convinced it’s for the free food. When Taako was eighteen and hacked all his hair off and ran away, again, it was well passed Candlenights when he came crawling back broke and exhausted and lonely. Merle barely batted an eyelid, just presented him with a poorly wrapped bundle of socks, soap, and miscellaneous cooking equipment and makeup he may well have stolen from his ex-wife. Taako hadn’t been quite sure what to do with it. He’d caught sight of his reflection in the grimy kitchen window and with short platinum hair he didn’t look anything like Lup. He thanked Merle, blankly, and tried to remember the last time someone who wasn’t his sister got him a Candlenights present.

Merle doesn’t bat an eye at The Kid when he rocks up to Magnus’ in his shitty hippie van, either. Mookie comes tumbling out of the van and sprints full speed at a dog, Mavis chasing after him half nervous and half excited, and Merle finds them on the back porch. Julia and her dad are at the barbeque, Magnus is clumsily but enthusiastically setting the table, and Taako’s perched on a lawn chair. Hurley’s trying to teach Angus soccer and Sloane’s in the shed doing something to Taako’s bike. Merle parks himself in a lawn chair next to Taako and doesn’t ask.

 

* * *

 

 

Both Barry and Kravitz claim the cat doesn’t belong to them, but the cat’s got a food bowl and a collection of toys scattered around the place. It’s a scruffy black thing with a torn-up ear that’s fond of knocking books out of Lup’s hands until she pets it. Lup calls it Dupree, but only when the boys aren’t around.

 

* * *

 

 

When Lup was maybe nineteen she got trapped inside a building she’d set on fire and couldn’t get out. The smoke got in her hair and in her eyes and in her lungs and she had to crawl across the floor because she thought she was going to die. It was a shitty building, old and beige and empty, and her footsteps had echoed off the walls and down the hall. The whole place had been spooky. Her only company was the rats. Lup burned it down because she was bored and forethought was never her strong point. She didn’t realise she’d blocked off the exit until the smoke was choking her and fear was rising like a wild beast in her chest. She hadn’t choked on smoke like this since her first cigarette, since the night of the riot. Lup thinks, _I’m going to die I’m going to die here_ , and she jumps through a second-story window. She takes the pane of glass with her and lands on it, doesn’t realise it’s cut her all up until she stands on shaky feet, still coughing, and realises the warm wet on her legs, her shoulders, her chest, isn’t sweat. There’s magnificent purple-yellow-blue bruising across her ribs for weeks.  

 

* * *

 

 

“We’re letting you go,” Leon says with no emotion. He should be more anxious, Taako thinks viciously over the ringing in his ears. Taako’s been bullying the guy for months. He should be trembling at least a little.

“Can I ask why?” Taako says in a voice that could cut glass. His hands are curled into fists and his nails are digging into his palms.

“Your position here is no longer needed,” Leon says. “You’ll have your two weeks and a reference letter if you require it.” Leon’s office door is shut but it doesn’t quite muffle the sound of the busy kitchen. Taako thought they’d make him a chef proper one day. Not that it really matters; there’s other restaurants for him to take over.

 

* * *

 

 

Sazed’s got a handsome face. Regrettably, Taako’s fooled by it.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup’s never spent so much time with anyone who wasn’t her brother. Every day she wakes up and sometimes Barry’s around and they’ll eat breakfast together, and then she goes to work and Lucretia’s always there and once a week they do book club with Davenport. Six hours is a long time to spend with someone in a library that’s not that big but being around Lucretia is so easy. Sometimes she goes grocery shopping with Barry and she learns all about him under the buzzing fluorescent lights. He can’t swim and he really actually works for NASA and he loves his mom very much. He’s got anxiety and he’s from New York and he can kind of be an asshole. He’s not supposed to eat dairy but he does anyway and he’s thirty-six and has a touch of grey at his temples. He can make her laugh so easy and he gets the way she thinks without trying.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup says, “What do you do when you’re in love with two people at the same time?”

Kravitz puts aside his laptop. Lup’s fairly sure the black nail polish he’s wearing belongs to her, but that’s fair because the gold skull ring she’s wearing definitely belongs to him. He says, “Uh.”

“Don’t answer,” Lup groans, flops down on the couch next to him. “But, seriously, what the fuck do I do?” Lup’s best idea currently consists of leaving town. Kravitz is in med school, though, which Lup takes to mean he’s smart and may be able to offer a solution that doesn’t involve leaving behind the best home she’s found yet.

“Um,” he says.

Lup sighs. “Good talk, bud,” she says, and goes to get up.

“Tell them?” Kravitz suggests. He’s nice enough to pretend he doesn’t know exactly know she’s talking about. The cat is tucked into his side, blinking slowly at her. Kravitz somehow manages to still be well put together in sweatpants and a Fall Out Boy t-shirt, and Lup flops back down onto the couch.

“Have you _met_ me?” Lup’s in touch enough with her emotions to know she’s prone to pining. It’s not like she enjoys it. Kravitz pats her hair, and then pats the cat when it meows in protest.

“Just tell them,” Kravitz says. “You love them. Keeping that quiet is hurting you. Isn't it better to just try? For the sake of love, and for your happiness. "

Lup huffs at him. “When you get a man in your life, Mr Romance, I’m gonna be insufferable.”

 

* * *

 

 

 _Sizzle It Up with Taako!_ is a dream come true until it’s not.


	6. vi

The cops keep him around for too long, interviewing and interviewing again and having him sign a statement. Taako’s alone and too cold in his swishy stage top and his makeup’s all run and his hands won’t stop moving, shaking and twisting and grasping at nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

There’s a lot of tits. Lup never would have figured stuffy old artists were so horny, but here they are, dozens of nudes. Lucretia’s very blasé about the whole thing, her excitement bubbling just under the surface, directing Lup’s attention to certain paintings and naming them off, twisting foreign names around her tongue like a cherry stem. Lup’s always been shit at languages.

Lucretia puts her hand on the small of Lup’s back to point her at some landscape and leaves it there as they stroll though the gallery. Lup’s sure they’d look like girlfriends to anyone watching. She’s trying to stay chill. Art gallery dates could be something Lucretia does all the time with co-workers.

 

* * *

 

 

Sazed works at a Best Buy. He’s got good camera equipment and a New Jersey accent. Taako doesn’t really remember how they met; it may or may not have been at the Best Buy. Taako only sort of knows Sazed; his number is in Taako’s phone but Taako never texts it.

 

* * *

 

 

Merle brings up The Kid only once. “You’re still half a child yourself,” he fiddles with the end of his beard, drums his fingers. “You’re sure you can handle that responsibility?”

“I had a hamster when I was little,” Taako shrugs, “Can’t be that different.”

 Angus is more self-reliant than a hamster. He’s gone a lot, roams a lot, even though he’s still sniffling, still got that stubborn cough. Taako keeps trying to find a way to kick him out but can never work up the nerve. He’s waiting for the right moment.

Merle says, “And if someone comes looking for him?”

“Don’t think there’s anyone to come looking, he’s like, he’s got no one.”

Merle nods like he thinks he gets it, pats Taako on the back. “You call me if you need help, son.”

“You never fucking answer!” Taako reminds him. He’s not keeping the kid.

 

* * *

 

Kravitz says, “Holy shit,” from somewhere in the living room, which isn’t unusual. He’s prone to dozing off while studying and waking up disoriented and swearing. He sounds different than usual, though, so Lup calls out, “You okay, Skeletor?”

“Yeah,” he calls back, and there’s a shuffle and rustle of fabric and muted footsteps as he gets up, “Just, there’s an internet chef in the news who looks almost exactly like you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lup’s only true memory of her mother is on some beach somewhere. Lup’s climbing on some rocks, toddler-clumsy, and she slips and skins her knee. It doesn’t hurt, not yet, but Lup’s never seen so much blood before and she’s wailing and crying. Taako starts crying too when he sees her hurt, grips her hand so tight his chubby knuckles go white. Lup remembers watching their mother walk into the sea like Jesus walking on water except the waves crash over her knees and splash on her skirt. Lup stops crying but Taako’s still clinging onto her and sobbing, and the sand underneath her is turning red. Their mother walks into the water for a long time until she’s up to her chest. Lup’s still got the scar on her knee when she turns twenty-two.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako shines in front of the camera. Every move is careful and considered; every flick of his wrist cracking an egg, every swivel of his hip, every lazy smirk and casual remark. He looks good and he knows his stuff and they love him, love his personality, his voice, his recipes.

 

* * *

 

 

Hurley brings him a bottle of water. Taako’s seen her in her uniform plenty of times but it’s different in a police station with a frown on her face and concerned lines on her forehead. Taako says, “How many,” and can’t finish the thought.

She looks like she’s not supposed to be telling him but she does anyway. “Near forty now,” she says, and Taako should be mourning the loss of human life but instead he’s thinking about how long he’ll be in prison for.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lup spends about a week digging through the depths of the internet to find a contact number. Taako’s always been the private type. She watches all the channel, every video. It’s only a few months old but its so loved. Taako’s put on weight and wears his shiny hair shoulder length. He’s got an act on for the camera, cooking all their recipes. Her _brother_.

Eventually she gets a line to a dude with a Jersey accent.

 

* * *

 

 

When she was nineteen she stayed in a shelter for a while. It’s so hard to judge, without Taako, where Lup should go and what she should do and how long she should stay. She crashes in a shelter for a while, hustles the streets, gets her ass beat a couple times. She dyes her hair red and gets a shitty tattoo on her lower back. For a while she thinks she’s in love with a girl who has a nose ring. One time she thinks she sees her brother lifting shitty sunglasses, and she gets arrested again. It’s a busy year.

 

* * *

 

 

There was once when they were kids that they lived in the basement of some church-slash-cult, swept the floor, and lit the candles and whispered during the daily chanting and made the cult weirdos food. Lup liked the free food and lack of supervision but Taako thought they were weirdos; they didn’t linger long.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup made a bet with a guy in middle school once who said she’d never amount to anything, never have a real job. Rich prick, shiny shoes, stupid haircut, very blue eyes, probably just parroting what he heard his rich prick parents say. Lup’s going to remember his face until her dying day. As far as she’s concerned, she’s earned that fifteen dollars.

 

* * *

 

 

They film _Sizzle It Up_ at Magnus’ because he’s got a better kitchen, windows that let in nice natural sunlight, magnets on the fridge, a well-used family size table. Taako can never do roommates but hates living alone, keeps turning Magnus and Julia’s offer of the spare room down anyway. Sazed sets up a couple of cameras and a microphone, and they’re in business.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako was in a commercial for fabric softener once, when he was three or four, and every now and then it would pop up on the TV years later. He likes seeing himself branded a murder on the national news less.

 

* * *

 

 

“How’d your folks take it when you transitioned?” Lup asks once, out of the blue. She’s sitting on the kitchen bench eating ice cream while Barry does the dishes.

“Alright,” he says, shoots her a look. “Ma was so proud of me. Haven’t seen the extended family in a while. Yours?”

“No idea,” Lup pokes him in the butt with a socked foot. Barry’s got a great ass, big hands, a nice smile. She tries to imagine him as a kid in some cramped Queens apartment; his mother moved upstate to the country a while back, got a homestead and a garden, a couple of horses. Lup’s seen photos of her, sturdy and silver haired. Barry’s got her nose and her eyes. “I was real little, don’t remember.”

Barry looks at her like he’s trying to imagine _her_ as a kid. Lup was gangly, always too skinny, always hungry, always wanting, always moving. She still never quite sits still. She’s put on weight the last year, though, on her hips, her thighs. Her belly’s soft and she never goes hungry any more. Lup kind of loves it.

 

* * *

 

 

Angus was so sick, was the thing, that day Taako took pity on him and took him to some diner for a meal. Taako fully intended to buy him pancakes and never see him again except he just about hacks up a lung every time he takes a breath. Angus hasn’t seen a doctor, obviously, because he’s a kid and he’s alone and he’s scared so Taako takes him to a clinic and pretends to be his brother and gets him some damn medicine. It’s started snowing when they step out of the clinic, is the other thing, and Taako did not just waste a few hours of his life just to send the little shit back out into the cold.

Taako half hopes Angus will run off on his own and then it won’t be Taako’s problem. He doesn’t, though. He just stays, reading his little books, blowing his little nose, taking over Taako’s apartment. He looks so genuinely crushed when Taako tells him it’s about time for him to leave that Taako can’t bring himself to follow through with kicking him out.

 

* * *

 

 

The _Sizzle It Up_ livestreams are surprisingly popular. It’s Taako’s idea to do a live demo.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup kisses Barry with her knuckles still stinging and anger burning the back of her throat. As far as bad ideas go, it's way up there.


	7. vii

“You wouldn’t believe it,” Hurley says dryly, unlocks Taako’s cuffs. “Some kid showed up claiming to be a detective, presented a whole folder full of evidence arguing your innocence. You’re not off the hook yet.” Taako blinks up at her, rubs his wrists. He must have been here a full twenty-four hours at least. “Don’t leave the state. Magnus is downstairs, got some clean clothes for you. Get outta here.”

 

* * *

 

 

She’s beautiful. Even on grainy film, at a bad angle, only half of her in frame. She’s really gone for the punk thing, got a sick undercut, wearing an outfit Taako wouldn’t be seen dead in. A burgundy leather jacket, _really Lup?_ He doesn’t realise he’s crying until Sazed offers him a box of tissues.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup calls work, honestly cites a family emergency for the first time in fucking forever. Lucretia sounds different over the phone, a little higher pitched, her in-person elegance not quite translating over the line. She tells Lup to take as much time as she needs, call if she needs anything.

Lup gets a line to a guy with a Jersey accent who refuses to believe a word she says. Lup won’t stop calling, though, and he agrees to meet her, eventually. Lup confirms the time and address, sees Barry scribble it down on a scrap of paper, hangs up the phone with shaking hands.

“Get your keys,” she says, “we’re going to find my brother.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, kid,” Taako whispers. It’s late, and Magnus’ house is uncharacteristically quiet. The only noise in the whole place is Merle snoring loudly in the spare room. Angus is curled up on the loveseat badly pretending to be sleep. Taako’s getting a back ache on the couch, pretending he’s not cuddling the dog on his lap.

“Sir?” the kid answers, shifting to blink at Taako. It’s dark and his glasses are carefully folded in their case on the coffee table. Little fucker must be blind as a bat right now.

“Good job,” Taako says softly.

Angus smiles in the dark, pulls the blanket up to his chin, nuzzles into his pillow. He says, “You’re welcome, sir. You should get some sleep.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Taako closes his eyes and tries not to think of forty people.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup kisses Barry. Cups his face in her hands, kisses him hard, tries to get as close to him as is humanly possible in the cramped front seat of his car.

Barry says, “Lup,” and catches her wrists in his big hands, gently pushes her away. “Lup. No.”

The drive home is real fucking awkward.

 

* * *

 

 

If it took the reporters a hot second to find Taako’s apartment it takes them a hot five minutes to find Magnus’ house. Taako packs up Angus and a bag and they pack into Merle’s smelly old hippy van after he sees the first news crew drive past. He’s not having cameramen trampling Julia’s vegetable garden trying to get a shot of the murderer. He drops a line to Hurley before they leave for accountability’s sake, because Taako’s a fucking adult.

Merle’s house is as damp and sandy as Taako remembers. It’s like coming home. He drags their stuff to his old room as Angus examines a house plant, collapses on the saggy bed, scrubs his hands over his face. Merle follows him in, drops down next to him, pats him on the back. Asks, “Want a joint, son?”

Taako says, “Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So when you say you’ve got sway with the big boss, what exactly does that mean?” Lup took nearly two weeks off work, no questions asked, got fully compensated for it. Lup once left a fast food place ten minutes early because she was puking uncontrollably and got fired for it. She knows it's a privately owned library but she's never met the owner, doesn’t even know their name. God, but does she hope they’re not shady, mostly for Lucretia’s sake. 

Lucretia looks embarrassed. “I, ah. Um. I… I am the big boss.”

Lup stares at her. “ _What_?”

“I own this building,” Lucretia says, more confidentially, like she’s not blushing. “I own this collection. I run this place.”

“You’ve never mentioned this _why_?”

“Well,” Lucretia bites her lip. “I suppose I was embarrassed. It was my private collection, too large to store in my home. It was _supposed_ to be a hobby. I only opened to the public on weekends until…”

“Until what?” Lup’s staring at her, riveted.

“Until you started coming here,” Lucretia said, all in a rush, “and I extended the opening hours, but it became too much work for just me, so I offered you the job because I wanted to spend more time with you.”

Lup gapes at her. “ _Luce_. You couldn’t have just said you wanted to be my friend?”

“Friend,” Lucretia repeats wryly. “Yes, I suppose I could have. I do think you rather like working here, though.”

“I fucking love working here,” Lup pokes her in the ribs, “I can’t believe you. You started a full-time business instead of asking me to hang out with you!”

“I’m glad you think this is funny,” Lucretia gives her a sharp look. “I’ve been run off my feet, falling behind in my day job…”

Lup bursts out laughing. The sting of not finding Taako, of Barry’s rejection, is still aching somewhere in her chest but she can almost forget it looking at Lucretia’s beautiful blushing face.

“Fuck, I love you. Hey, Luce, wanna hang out after work?” Lup says, and then thinks _oh fuck did I just say –_

“I’d like that,” Lucretia says softly.

Lup gulps, nods, picks up a book at random to re-shelve. “Cool beans. Hey, remind me where the Shakespeare goes?”

 

* * *

 

 

“He’s left town,” Jersey accent says. “He’s not being charged yet, I guess. I don’t know where he went.” He’s objectively cute and kind of nervous. Lup eyes him over as Barry glances around the room.

“You don’t have a phone number?” Lup prompts, impatient. She looks around this guy’s apartment and wondering if Taako’s ever been here, ever sat on the droopy couch, ever complained about the tiny kitchenette.

“Not one I’m giving out to a stranger,” Sazed says, crosses his arms.

“Fucking – look at my face!” Lup takes a step closer, ignores Barry’s cautioning hand on her arm. She’s not going to beat his ass. Sazed looks at her face. There’s no mistaking she’s Taako’s carbon copy, same subtle heterochromia, same slightly-too-big nose, same _everything_. “Do I _look_ like a stranger?”

“He never mentioned a sibling to me,” Sazed crosses his arms. Lup doesn’t miss that he doesn’t say _sister_.

“Where does he work?” Lup wants to leave here before she hits him. She glances over at Barry and finds him frowning at a bookshelf to their left.

“Little restaurant downtown fired him a few months back. Couldn’t tell you where exactly.”

“Who’s he live with?”

“No one. Difficult roommate, I’ve heard.”

Lup takes another step forward. Sweat’s beading on Sazed’s forehead. Barry’s hand tightens on her arm. “Where would I find his friends?”

“Don’t even know if he’s got any,” Sazed says. “Real private guy. Probably gonna be in prison soon, your reunion’s gonna be through bulletproof glass. You need to get out of my face. I’m a busy guy, got shit to do.” Lup was wrong. She is going to beat his ass. She shakes Barry off and takes another step forward. They’re almost nose to nose.

“I’ve actually got a few more questions,” she says sweetly. Barry says her name like warning, she half turns to look at him, and Sazed shoves her. It’s what Lup’s been waiting for. She hits him. Barry grabs her for real, Sazed stumbles, Lup knees him good and hard in the balls as he struggles to right himself and he goes down. She’s winding up to hit him again when Barry hisses _“Camera!”_ in her ear and jerks his thumb at the bookshelf. Lup can’t see it but she knows that doesn’t mean it’s not there; she swears, leaves Sazed on the ground, grabs Barry. They bolt.

Lup kisses Barry afterwards, sitting in his car in the parking lot. It seems like a good idea at the time.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako watches the footage over and over again. There’s no sound, and he watches Lup getting all up in Sazed’s face in silence, watches the nerdy guy clock the camera, watches Lup give Sazed the nasty shiner he’s wearing, watches the nerdy guy pull her away and away and away. His heart’s thumping like a migraine, somewhere up in his throat.

“You fucking – you, you,” Taako fucking hates his stutter sometimes. “What the fuck did you say to her? Did you get a contact number? Where’s she _been_?” 

Sazed fidgets a little. “She didn’t leave any details. She was really aggressive, Taako.” He moves closer to look over Taako’s shoulder as he plays the footage again.

“You literally filmed yourself shoving her,” Taako says disbelievingly, “What the fuck, did you see what she was driving? Was she driving? Why didn’t you send her to me?”

“I’ve had no idea where you’ve been!” Sazed exclaims. “As soon as the cops let you go you just vanished, you only picked up the phone when I mentioned your sister!”

“My phone’s been off,” Taako replies, “because, you know, every fucking two-bit media vulture’s been trying to get the Taako exclusive, I never thought I’d turn down going on TV, _shit_ , she’s, she was _right fucking here_.” The video’s finished. Taako runs a hand through his hair, flaps his wrist a bit. “I’ve gotta go look for her. How long’s it been since she was here?” He steps towards the door.

Sazed steps in front of him, fists clenched. Taako looks at him, feels his stomach drop like a penny in a pond. Sazed says, “You can’t go.” The look on his face promises violence.

There’s a long tense moment, and then knock at the door. Angus’ voice, high and clear: “Sir? Is Mr Taako here?”

“Yeah, bubulah,” Taako calls back, trying to not sound as afraid as he is. “I’ll be right there, little man, go wait downstairs.”

Angus says, quieter, not to him, “I found him, sir! He’s at Mr Sazed’s apartment.” There’s a pause. “I’ll ask. Sir, Magnus and Julia want to know if you’re coming for lunch.” If Taako makes it out of this apartment, he’s not going to die today.

It takes a long moment for Sazed to step aside. Taako walks out of the apartment. Angus isn’t on the phone to Mags and Julia. He’s looking up at Taako with big worried eyes. Angus does not own a phone.

Taako hustles him out of the building and all the way to the police station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day & [Lup's hair](http://www.styleinterest.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/long-punk-10.jpg) and [jacket](http://www.asos.com/au/asos/asos-premium-biker-jacket-with-heavy-wash/prd/6899433)


	8. viii

Davenport takes her to a park with a duck pond. It’s quiet. Lup tosses pellets at a couple of fat ducklings, asks, “Who exactly put you up to this?”

“No one,” Davenport replies. “It’s plain as day you’re having a rough time, Lup. I just thought you might want to talk about it.

“It’s not all been rough,” Lup says, crosses her arms, uncrosses them, tosses another handful of pellets. “It’s just, I came _so close_ to – forget it.” Lup cried herself to sleep that first night. She’s had about enough of feeling sorry for herself. “I’m putting my feelings away in a quiet place,” she tells Davenport, “and letting them die there.”

He says, “Okay, Lup,” and lets her angrily feed the ducks in peace.

 

* * *

 

 

Hurley’s not on shift but he knows the cop who sits him down and lets him talk. She’s big and broad and dresses like a suburban dad. Taako’s met her heavily tattooed blue-haired wife, too. Angus fidgets with the strap of his little satchel, pipes up to add something every now and then. Taako explains why Sazed would want to kill him.

 

* * *

 

 

Barry’s mom’s house is real small, real cute. There’s a couple chickens scratching round the front yard, windchimes on the porch. Mrs Hallwinter meets them in the driveway, pulls Barry down into a hug, surprises Lup by reaching for her too. “You’re beautiful,” she says. She’s older than Lup was expecting but there’s still plenty of strength in her.

Lup says, “Not as beautiful as you, ma’am,” and grins at Barry over her shoulder. He looks embarrassed already. This is gonna be great.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako’s got a nice chunk of change still tucked away. It feels like blood money. Taako’s spent too many years starving to justify wasting it, so he doesn’t. Most of it goes away into savings, just in case, and rest goes on a new coat for Angus and the parts Sloane needs to fix his bike and a pair of big shades to hide his face. Taako buys a washing machine, good bed linen, a back-up pair of glasses for the kid, a stack of Caleb Cleveland novels. One time well past midnight he’s browsing online and comes across a biker jacket that’s not quite the same cut as the one Lup’s wearing in the video Taako’s got saved to his phone. It’s lurid silver, which is a bold fucking move by anyone’s standards. Taako buys it.     

 

* * *

 

 

Sazed confesses, pleads guilty, accepts his sentence with his head bowed. Half of Taako’s fans say, _we love you no matter what, we miss you, please come back!_ The other half say, _you should be getting locked up too._

 

* * *

 

 

“ _Damn_ ,” Magnus whistles. “She’s got a heck of a left hook.”

Taako’s channel got suspended for a while there, but it’s back up now. He could, theoretically, post screencaps of the video, ask what’s left of his fanbase to put the word out he’s looking for his sister, put out contact details for her. He’s got the video filmed, edited (sloppy, without Sazed, but watchable). He goes to press upload and his hands shake and his breath comes short and –

He doesn’t upload it.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, so,” Barry’s been real nervous around her lately. He’s fidgeting with his glasses case. “I’m going home for a bit, visit my ma.”

“Tell her hi for me,” Lup’s never met Marlene Hallwinter but they’ve spoken on the phone a couple times. This is a new situation. Lup’s usually the one who runs.

“I thought maybe you could tell her yourself,” Barry says. “Come with me, I mean.”

“Legit?” He’s barely been able to look at her lately. Lup’s been hanging out with Kravitz and Dupree a lot.

“I thought you might like a vacation,” Barry says. “Breathe some country air. Ride a horse.”

“Save a cowboy?”

He blushes such a brilliant red. Lup would usually laugh at him right about now, which would make him grin his dorky grin. This time when it grins at her, it’s a little awkward.

Lup says, “Yeah, I’d – I’d like that.”  

 

* * *

 

 

Lucretia’s house is _huge._ Lup had thought her car was fancy, but next to the brownstone it’s modest. Lucretia lives all alone with polished floorboards and marble countertops and a top-of-the-line kitchen that looks like it’s never been used.

Lucretia says, “I’m not all alone,” and introduces Lup to a sleek grey cat. The house is very clean and Lup feels like soft classical music should be playing even though it’s just quiet. The only lived-in room is the library. Lucretia offers her a drink and Lup takes it. White wine, because Lucretia isn’t a red wine kinda gal. Lup says, “Remind me what your day job is?”

“I ghost write autobiographies and the occasional memoir,” Lucretia says. “It’s not especially high paying. Most of this came from an inheritance.”

“Do you wanna be my sugar mama?” Lup blurts. Lucretia said she didn’t mind shoes in the house but Lup’s hyper aware of the old mud ground into her boots and the soft cream rug. She should have left her boots by the door, but then Lucretia would have seen that Lup hasn’t owned a matching pair of socks for ten years.

Lucretia blushes a bit, says, “I can really never tell if you’re flirting with me.”

Lup grimaces. “I get that a lot,” she says instead of _I always am_. “Barry hates it.”

“I don’t imagine Barry could ever hate anything about you,” Lucretia says softly, “I don’t imagine anyone could.”

Lup’s blushing, now. She ducks her head, offers the cat her hand to sniff. It turns away, elegantly.

“So, you, uh. Went to college?”

“Yale. I was fourteen,” Lucretia takes the change in subject gracefully, of course. “I didn’t have the most usual childhood.”

“I’ll drink to that, sister,” Lup toasts her, takes a sip of wine. Looks at Lucretia, comfortable in her own home, the way the waistband of her skirt clings just above her hips, the curve of her calves. Lup surprises herself with how much she wants to have her head between those legs. Lup clears her throat, turns away, says, “What’s your family like?”

 

* * *

 

 

Angus clings onto the back of Taako’s bike, whooping with joy into Taako’s jacket. They don’t really have a destination. Taako hated the sheer open empty nothing surrounding Merle’s house when he was a kid, but now it’s like paradise. It’s dull, grey-green, and everything smells like salt and dirt. The beach is shit for surfing and riddled with dangerous currents besides. The hippie commune is still growing pot. There’s a new café popped up in town, not real trendy, more quaint than cool. Taako parks the bike out front – the whole damn street stares, for refreshing reasons – and takes Angus in for a hot chocolate.

The young woman manning the counter smiles at them as they come in, then does a double take. “You’re _Taako_ ,” she says, “from youtube, oh my god.” Taako winces, visibly. Her nametag reads _Ren_ and she’s nice enough to cut herself off. “What can I get you guys today?”

 

* * *

 

 

Darling-Call-Me-Marlene’s got a cookbook that must be a hundred and fifty years old, generations worth of Hallwinter women’s recipes, tricks, notes. Lup pages through it so carefully, afraid the old yellowed pages with tear and crumble in her hands.

“How old are you?” Marlene asks as they’re hand rolling pasta.  

“Twenty-two,” Lup says easily. Marlene’s sent Barry out to collect fresh herbs from the garden out back. It’s comfortable, warm. Lup’s got flour on her hands and her sleeves rolled up and her hair tied back.

“Barry says you’re a librarian,” Marlene sounds – not disbelieving, exactly, just a little surprised. Lup gets it. She definitely does not look like a librarian.

“I kinda fell into it,” Lup says. “I was a service worker for a good seven, eight years. Folded a lotta takeaway burritos, cleaned hotel rooms, that sorta thing.”

“Your parents?”

“Don’t have any.” Lup can see the apology forming on Marlene’s lips, shrugs it off. “It’s cool. I’ve, ah. Got a twin brother.” Marlene was a nurse before she threw her back out, Barry said. She’s obviously picked up plenty of empathy along the way, because she doesn’t ask. She compliments Lup’s pasta and they move on to the sauce.

 

* * *

 

 

Sazed tries to call Taako from prison, once. Taako doesn’t take the call, blocks the number.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, Ren,” he says one day, “Got any jobs going?”

Her whole face lights up. “Yeah,” she says, “Yeah, the kitchen –“

Taako examines a nail, avoids eye contact. “I was thinking more a bus boy type gig,” he says.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako nearly fucked Sazed once, is the thing. Didn’t go through with it. Near forty people died, is the other thing.

 

* * *

 

 

“ _Holy fucking shit_ ,” Lup cries, seemingly apropos of nothing, “is that fucking _Garyl_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [a bold fucking move](https://www.zara.com/pl/en/silver-biker-jacket-p01966304.html?v1=5208509&v2=634671)


	9. ix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the incredible foxy-alien [did an art](https://foxy-alien.tumblr.com/post/170991285332/lup-from-this-beautiful-fic-and-the-warmth-will) for this fic!! go look at it!!

Lup’s never a morning person by choice, so she’s mildly surprised when she wakes up in the soft pre-dawn light calm and refreshed. It’s cold in the room but warm under her pile of blankets. The house is so still. Lup slips out of bed, wraps a blanket around her shoulder, cape-like, walks silent downstairs, socks sliding on the old floorboards. There’s a handful of photos hung up along the staircase, Barry at some sort of graduation ceremony, Barry as a brace-faced kid, Marlene and a strong-jawed man who must have been her husband. Barry, fairly recent, holding someone’s baby in his arms and looking real awkward. It feels wrong to make any noise but smiling’s okay, Lup figures.

Lup’s got a mug of coffee in her hand, sitting on the top step of the porch, watching the sun creep up the horizon and set the sky on fire when Barry joins her. “Didn’t mean to wake you,” she says. He’s a little sleep-dopey, blinking without his glasses, stubble on his jaw, pyjama pants too long in the leg. She offers him her mug of coffee and he takes a grateful sip, gives it back.

“I don’t mind,” he says, sits down next to her.

“It’s real pretty out here,” Lup says. A soft breeze makes the sets of windchimes tingle, high and clear, low and deep, whimsical. A crop of goose bumps rise on Barry’s arm, and Lup throws some of her blanket-cape over him.

Barry clears his throat, says, “Yeah.” Fiddles with the edge of the blanket. “I could give you a full tour after breakfast.”

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus’ backyard barbeques stop for no one and nothing, not even a rainstorm. Taako’s always been not-quite-envious of the way Magnus picks up friends like it’s easy. Every barbeque gets bigger, gets more guests packed into his and Jules’ modest little house. Taako’s been out at Merle’s for a good long while; he doesn’t know half the people here.

 Angus and Mavis tend to cling onto each other at big social gatherings like this. Today they’re hanging out with some other kid, a little girl with yellow ribbons in her hair, frowning down at some problem sheets. Taako still thinks it weird for kids to do maths for fun, but he knows that it’s not Angus’ strong point and he likes to practise it whenever he can. One of these days Taako’s gonna get his hands on some good forged paperwork and send the kid to school proper.

Taako exchanges a couple words with Killian and her wife, gives Sloane a run down on how the bike’s going, says hi to Mags’ buddy Avi, introduces himself to a droopy musician. He’s passing by the kiddo table to grab a beer when Angus stops him.

“I don’t get this one,” Ango says, small voice, looking kinda pissed off.

“We don’t either,” Mavis says, and the other girl nods, ribbons bobbing. Taako glances down at the sheet. It’s high school level algebra. Taako pulls up a seat, steals Ango’s sheet and a pen, surprising himself by remembering the right formula. He can tell quiet girl still doesn’t get it so he gives Angus’ sheet back, breaks it down a little more for her until she’s grinning a tiny victorious grin down at her paper.

When he finally takes himself into the kitchen to get that beer, Julia’s father’s looking at him a little sideways. “You ever thought about going into teaching?”

Taako almost does a spit take. “Are you talking to me? _Moi_ , Taako?”

Stephen’s patient by nature but doesn’t go in for Taako’s bullshit, which is annoying as hell. “I’ve had a couple dozen apprentices, kid, I know a little about teaching.” He’s not a man of many words but he dregs plenty up now. “Your boy was embarrassed to ask for help, you made it painless for him. Gave him what he needed and let him go. June wanted someone to coach her through it. You did. Anticipated what kind of help they needed and gave it to them. I’ve met professors who couldn’t do that.”

“I’m – what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Magnus says you’re the only thing that got him through high school. You really look over Julie’s college papers for her?”

“I’ve done that like, twice,” Taako’s done it a lot more than twice. Julia’s better at putting together carpentry than putting together paragraphs, but she’s still sailing through community college.

Stephen’s finally run out of words, thank fucking Christ. He raises an eyebrow, sits back, looks at Taako. Sips his own beer.

“I’m not, I couldn’t,” Taako gapes at him. “You need college for that.”

“So go to college,” Stephen says.

“It’s not like that’s _easy_!”

“Have you got anything better to do?”

“Yes!” Taako leaves him there, stomps off. Him, some fucking _teacher._ Ridiculous.

 

* * *

 

 

Barry blinks at her, blinks at the horse. “…’Garyl’ _?_ ”

 

* * *

 

 

Once when they were no older than five they had a fight that lasted three whole days. Taako took a toy that belonged to Lup, and Lup screamed about it, and whoever they were living with didn’t care enough to get involved, let them strop at each other until Taako accidentally broke the toy and got all upset and Lup just _had_ to hug him until he wasn’t sad anymore.

Once when they were sixteen Lup found one of her shirts in Taako’s bag, which wouldn’t have mattered because she was stealing a pair of jeans from him, except he’d spilled salsa all down the front and the stain wouldn’t come out and it had been Lup’s favourite shirt. “You couldn’t just be fucking _careful_ ,” she snapped. She didn’t mind wearing salsa stained clothes, had worn clothes stained with worse, but they’d just been – in close quarters. No room to move, sleeping on the same air mattress, kicking each other all night, working in the same cramped kitchen, elbow to elbow assembling burgers and deep-frying chips. Crushing on the same guy.

“Can’t you just _fuck off_ ,” Taako snarled back, and Lup did, found some shit to smash up, got someone to buy her booze. She had meant to go back, except some sports team lost a match and their dickhead fans threw a fucking riot and Lup got grazed by a beer bottle and she lost her fucking brother.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Taako’s sprawled carelessly in a diner booth eating French fries. Someone comes up to the table, not a good look on their face. Angus gives Taako a worried look.

The interloper says, “You’re Taako.” Terse, harsh.

Taako says, “I’m trying to have a meal with my kid brother, homie, come get an autograph later.”

“My sister went to your show,” they say. Taako looks at Angus, says, “How bout we take this outside. Wait here, boychik.”

The shiner’s not so bad he can’t cover it up.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup mans the library solo more often these days now that Lucretia has fessed up, which she doesn’t mind. She hangs out with Lucretia more, too. Lucretia takes her to a high-end restaurant that she feels criminally underdressed for and lets Lup order for both of them, listens to her chattering away about food until they get to desert and Lup’s realises she’s been monopolising the conversation all damn night. Lucretia doesn’t seem to mind, though, offers Lup a bite of her desert off her fork.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako scrolls through the teaching course overview at Julia’s community college, closes the browser, swears, reopens it, closes it again.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako’s hungry. He doesn’t eat.

 

* * *

 

 

“I don’t understand,” Angus says.

“More math trouble, kiddo?”

“Not that,” Angus pokes at his dinner – Merle’s greyish meatloaf, a far cry from what he’s gotten used to eating. Angus has got so much bigger this last year, a good four inches taller, fifteen pounds heavier. He’s still a skinny thing but his collar bones don’t protrude like butcher's knives anymore. Taako never realised kids needed new clothes so often.

“I don’t understand why you don’t want to be happy,” Angus says.

Taako lifts his hands from the soapy water, nearly drops a dish. “What’s that?”

“I don’t understand why we’re still here,” Angus elaborates, sitting up tall, perfect posture, “when you’ve made no secret of the fact that you tolerate this place at best – no offence, Merle – and you’re working a job you’re extremely under qualified for. You’re reluctant to even consider going to college even though you really want to, and you’ve turned down every guy who’s flirted with you since we got here. You won’t cook _anything_ and you won’t look for your sister and you won’t let me look for her even though I know I could find her –“

“I don’t deserve it!” Taako doesn’t mean to yell at him and he forces himself to lower it to a snap, wishes he wasn’t talking at all, can’t stop it now he’s started. “I don’t fucking deserve any of that, no college, no job, no guys, no Lup. Okay? Forty fucking people died, Angus, because I had stage fright and a sensitive stomach and thought yartzing in front of the audience would be a _career ending move_ so I didn’t taste the food and forty families buried someone they love.”

Angus’ face has gone all ashy, pale and scared. Merle lays a hand of his arm, says, “Son,” says, “Enough.”

 Angus says, “Even if you’d tasted it, they still would have – _you_ would have –“

“Maybe I should have.” Taako’s said a lot of things he regrets and he knows this is gonna be one of them. Angus bursts right into tears.

 

* * *

 

 

Come autumn, Kravitz leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm [here](https://notvaleri.tumblr.com) on tumblr, not really active atm (coincidentally, i now have time to write) but if anyone's got any requests that's where to send 'em!


	10. x

Paloma’s alright, for a shrink. Taako cooperates.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup’s never been to a graduation ceremony before, but it’s nice. Dull, refined, real familial. They’re not supposed to clap until the end but she lets out a whoop when they call Krav up on stage. It’s a comically windy day and he almost loses his cap three times before Istus pins it to his head.

Raven leaves black lipstick marks all over his face, Barry sheds a couple of tears, Lup gets put in charge of Istus’ camera and takes about a million photos of Kravitz looking embarrassed on stage. Raven treats them to ice cream after – childhood tradition, Krav admits – and Istus tells them all about Kravitz tripping over his own feet and chipping a tooth at his high school graduation. It’s nice.

 

* * *

 

 

_A woman came to the library today. She had restless hands, like clever brown birds. She was beautiful._

 

* * *

 

 

Lup feels less bad about that ass beating after Jersey’s on the TV getting sentenced to life behind bars. Taako lingers in the tabloids for a bit, drops out of the public eye real good. Vanishes into the world.

 

* * *

 

 

“Survivor’s guilt’s a hell of a thing,” Merle says. “You can’t take that out on the kid.”

Taako’s always had a soft spot for beaches at night. He likes the unreality of it. Merle drops down on the cold sand, offers Taako the blanket slung over his shoulder. Taako takes it.

“Is he okay?”

“He’ll be fine,” Merle says, which absolutely means _no._ Taako might as well have wet sand in his mouth, what with how all the words he wants to say get caught in his throat.

 

* * *

 

 

“I didn’t want to take advantage of you,” Barry blurts out as they’re stepping into the stables. Lup says, “Huh?”

“When – after you beat that guy. When you…”

“Assaulted you?”

“Kissed me,” Barry actually gets the words out. Lup’s kinda proud of him, except she had sorta wished they never, ever talked about it. “It wasn’t because I’m not – I _am_ , you were just really upset. I didn’t want to take advantage. Not that I think you’re – I’m not gonna presume, I just, wanted to clear the air?” 

Lup has almost no idea what he’s trying to say. She doesn’t know much about horses, that was always Taako’s bag, but she drifts over to a stall and has a look at the horse. It’s grey. Lup nods at it, drifts over to the next stall.

“’Cos, I’m,” Barry takes a deep breath. “Nevermind.”

 The next horse has funny markings on its head, almost like…Lup looks back at Barry. “You’re what?”

The horse couldn’t be, could it? That would be insane. It couldn’t be fucking –

“I have feel–“

_Garyl._

* * *

 

 

“We should move back to the city,” Angus says. He’s gotten taller again. Taako’s gonna have to buy him new shoes.

“You really never let me live,” Taako says. “Alright. Why?”

Angus opens with, “Well, it’s closer to your therapist.” Taako winces. “Secondly, there’s more food establishments in the city. As much as I like her, sir, Ren’s café only serves five different foods, and nothing Merle makes is edible. Thirdly, the economy is better in the city, and you’re more likely to get a decent job there, and you wouldn’t have to commute to college.”

He’s got more to say, plenty more probably, but Taako cuts him off there with a “Kiddo, we’ve talked about this.”

Angus plows on. Taako’s not sure when he got so disobedient. “Four, I want to go to school, and I want to do it in the city.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey,” Lup says. She’s a little drunk and hanging off Krav’s arm. They’re – somewhere. It’s a graduation party, which Lup _has_ been to before. The apartment’s nice, but everyone is very pretentious. They’ve been hanging out in a corner of the living room shit-talking Kravitz’s former classmates for a while.

“Hey,” she says, touches the side of his face. He’s so handsome. Gonna be a rich doctor real soon. Lup’s gonna miss stealing his good conditioner. “When you go, who’s gonna make sure you don’t forget to eat?”

He looks pensive for a moment. “I’ll have to get myself a man,” he says, breaks the moment of melancholy with a grin.

“Mm,” Lup says, “He’s gotta be a good cook. Can’t have you getting all skinny again.” His finals had been a nightmare. Lup had discovered she really, really, really doesn’t like watching people rapidly drop weight.

“You’ll come visit,” he says. “I’ll come visit.”

 

* * *

 

 

 Lucretia’s got such lovely handwriting.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako’s been the new kid at school about a hundred times. It stopped worrying him a good long while back. This is different.

 

* * *

 

 

They have to go apartment hunting because sometimes journalists still show up at Taako’s old apartment. It’s takes longer than Taako would have liked; Angus has very strict apartment criteria. Taako eyes him over on the sidewalk of some building he’s picked out. “You were a fucking rich kid, weren’t you?”

Ango shrugs. The first two apartments are too expensive, but they’re in the right school district. The third one is in their price range, but in the wrong neighbourhood. The fourth one is the right price and the right location but would never fit the both of them, not if Angus keeps growing the way he is. At the fifth apartment, the neighbours recognise Taako.

“How old are you?” Taako asks when he finally realises the school Angus has singled out is a high school. He’d assumed it was a middle school, because Angus is (looks?) about…

“I turned eleven when we were at Merle’s,” Angus says helpfully. They definitely had not celebrated that birthday. “I’ve been out of the school system for eighteen months, but before that I was due to start my freshman year, sir. I skipped a few grades.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Taako sighs. “Okay, little man. Where’s this next apartment?”

 

* * *

 

 

Paloma doesn’t baby him. Taako thought therapy would be like, some condescending social-worker type talking about feelings and taking notes. Paloma’s office is always full of baked goods and there’s all this new-age pagan type stuff hanging around, rainbow crystals catching the light in the window, herbal tea, nice-smelling candles. Taako sometimes paces around when they’re talking about something he doesn’t want to talk about, examines the knick-knacks on the bookshelves, reads off book titles that sounds like something Merle would be into. One time she gives him a tarot reading.

Mostly they just eat scones and talk, though. Taako doesn’t think it’s worth the bill.

“It’s been months,” Taako whines to Hurley, crunching on a baby carrot, “and nada. No change. I feel _no_ different.”

“I dunno,” Hurley says, steals a carrot. “You’re not starving yourself anymore, I’d say that’s good.”

“I wasn’t – you noticed – I never did that.”

She just looks at him, which, yeah. _Sizzle It Up_ had left Taako fat and happy there for a while, and then he’d lost it all real quick, only partly from stress. Paloma’s buttered scones are bringing it back, though, and Mags’ barbeques are every weekend now that Taako’s back in the city, and Julia’s been dropping plates of cookies off for him and Angus, Merle accidentally ordered five pizzas somehow and gave him the leftovers, Hurley and Sloane have invited him to dinner a whole bunch, which is always the good expensive takeout because neither of them can cook –

“Oh, fuck, you’ve all been fattening me up.”

“We’ve been worried about you,” she says, soft. “We love you. I know you’re not big on hearing that, but, y’know. We all love you, so much.”

Taako’s not going to tear up over a bag of baby carrots. “Fuck off,” he says. “You fuckin’ – sneaky shit, Hurls, you’re supposed to be an officer of the law.”

If anyone asks later, he’ll say she’s the one who initiated the hug.

 

* * *

 

 

“You ever write about me?” Lup asks. Lucretia’s absentmindedly scrawling something in her journal. It’s a quiet day in the library, rain pouring down.

Lucretia waits a beat before she says, “Yes.”

“Can I see?”

“No,” comes immediately, and then at Lup’s pout, “It’d bore you.”

“I’m already bored,” Lup whines. “It’s your private writing, though, I’m not gonna push.”

Lucretia bites her lip. God, but Lup always wants to kiss her, isn’t gonna try after the Barry disaster. “Okay,” Lucretia says, “But only a few sentences.”

 

* * *

 

Lup’s never thought particularly hard about houses before, but on the drive back from Marlene’s she can’t help but lean back in the passenger seat, watch the houses they pass, wonder if one day she’ll have one to live in, permanently. The forever home they always used to joke about when they were kids.

They pass big houses, little houses, neighbourhoods, countryside. It’s a long drive. A two-story farmhouse, a squat brick duplex with a big yard, a beachy shack with a VW van and a motorcycle parked out front. Lup falls asleep, doesn’t dream.

 

* * *

 

 

Angus’ nagging gets to him eventually. He enrols in the damn college.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, a dumb arse, ten chapters ago: this one will probably be wrapped up by chapter ten!


	11. xi

Lup turns twenty-three on a Wednesday. She wakes up to the smell of coffee, follows the scent in to the living room. It’s quieter now it’s just the two of them. Barry’s sitting cross-legged on the saggy couch reading his tablet, looks up at her when she stumbles in.

“Morning,” he says innocently. There’s a messily wrapped box sitting on the coffee table. Lup pounces on it, immediately, tears the wrapping off like an animal. Barry snorts. Inside the box is – a whole bunch of stuff.

“I couldn’t decide what to get you,” he says sheepishly. Inside the box is – the set of nail polish Lup’s been eyeing off from Sephora for _ages_ and the matching eyeshadow set, a real zippo lighter, a sick (unsharpened) butterfly knife, half a dozen books, two of which are signed first editions, one is which is a fancy hardcover, illustrated copy of _The Hobbit,_ the nicest book Lup has ever held, and the remaining three are an obscure trilogy from fifty years ago, which Lup read one book of when she was fifteen and could never find the rest of. And then, carefully packed into the bottom of the box. Lup’s been bouncing in her seat, giving a running commentary of _oh my god Barry I can’t believe you remembered I mentioned that_ but the lump that rises in her throat shuts her up real quick.

He says, “It’s like, fourth hand. Kinda scratched up. _Way_ outta tune.”

Lup says, “Barry,” hates the way her voice breaks, lifts the violin case out of the box. Snaps open the old clasps, lifts it out. It’s real old, he’s right about that. Dinged up. Probably needs restringing, and the bow’s completely missing, but it fits under her chin like it belongs there. She plucks her fingers along the strings, hears Taako say _you sound like a screaming cat,_ please _, my ears!_ somewhere in the back of her head, and then there’s tears on her face.

Barry says her name, all distressed. Panicking. “I’m sorry, Lu, I didn’t mean –“ and she sets the violin down and throws her arms around his neck, holds on real tight.

 

* * *

 

 

“Julia’s dad put a fucking idea in my head,” Taako says. Merle looks a little put out, like he thinks he maybe some else has been doing his father figure duty for him.

Magnus says, “Cool!” and, “What’s the idea?”

Taako makes a frustrated noise. “Don’t you fucking dare laugh at me.”

“I have _never_ laughed at you,” Magnus turns on the puppy eyes as he lies through his damn crooked teeth. Taako gives him an evil look.

“I’ve,” he takes a breath, “I’ve. Fuck, fuck that old dude, fuck Ango, I’m bailing out. I’m not doing it, I quit. Fuck. I’m going to college.”

“Hell yeah!” Magnus roars _,_ which, _Jesus_. Taako flinches back away from the noise, covers his ears. Magnus, says, “Sorry, sorry, but, _Taako!_ Hell _yeah_!” He holds his hand out for a high five.

Taako performs the congratulatory high-five. Merle appears to be – crying?

“Old man,” Taako says, alarmed, “I think you’re, uh. Having an allergic reaction.”

“I’m so proud of you,” the old man says. He wipes his eyes with his beard, and then blows his nose on it.

Taako says, “ _Gross_. Really, that’s. Do _not_ hug me. Okay. Well, this has been fun –“

“Sit back down,” Magnus says, “you gotta tell me _everything_. Are you gonna be taking classes with Jules? What are you studying? Have you decided yet?”

Taako doesn’t want to tell them, whines in his throat. “That’s the don’t laugh bit,” he says, and tells them. They don’t laugh.

 

* * *

 

 

Davenport has a boat. He has several boats, but the one he takes Lup out in is a little two-person yacht that skims across the water like a skipping stone. Lup has no fucking clue how to sail.

Dav spents the whole time barking orders at her, which he seems to enjoy. He also does ninety percent of the work, which he also seems to enjoy. It’s a beautiful day. Lup very nimbly avoids getting smashed on the head by the – swingy thing.

“Boom,” Davenport supplies. He makes Lup buckle in to a violently yellow life-jacket. Later, once they’re back on dry land, he tells her, “Not bad for a first lesson.”

 

* * *

 

 

Money is tight, which Taako is real used to. He knows how to make it work. He keeps it quiet from Ango, though, because he’s seen enough of those sad eyes to last a lifetime. Taako worried about him something awful, going off to high school so small, but the kid does just fine.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup wakes up in the cool silk sheets, smiles into the back of Lucretia’s neck, wraps an arm around her waist, pulls her closer. Sinks back into Barry, their legs all tangled up together.   

 

* * *

 

 

Taako’s not really much older than most of the other students, which surprises him for some reason. He’d expected a campus full of fresh-faced eighteen-year-olds. Instead they’re mostly a little younger, closer to his and Julia’s age. There’s a good chunk of mature age students, too.

Julia’s a part-time business major, so he doesn’t see her that much, but it helps having a familiar face around, like Magnus helped in high school, like Lup helped before that. Jules goes to lunch with him sometimes, makes time to study with him, gives him the skinny on all the professors, all the gossip.

Taako had known, on a theoretical level, that his social skills are better now than they were when he was a kid, but he surprises himself with how easily he makes friends of his own, too. He surprises himself with how good it goes.

 

* * *

 

 

“Morning,” Lucretia says, kisses Lup on the cheek. That’s a thing she does, now. Sometimes Lup does it back. “Happy birthday, darling.”

“Hey, boss,” Lup says. “Lookin’ sharp. You get me a present?”

“You’ll get it tonight,” Lucretia says. “I was thinking the three of us could go out.”

“Three of us?”

“Yourself, Barry, and I. Unless you have other plans?”

Lup’s not throwing a party until the weekend, when Kravitz can come visit. “I got nowhere to be,” she says. “That sounds awesome. You got us reservations?”  

“It’s nowhere fancy,” Lucretia says. “But yes, I do. I’ll pick the two of you up at seven?”

 

* * *

 

 

Some days he still doesn’t want to eat, but Paloma’s number is in his phone now. She talks him through it. 

 

* * *

 

 

“This really suits you,” Julia says. Taako hadn’t thought she’d really fit in in an academic environment, but she’s so at home here sitting cross-legged on the grass in the quad, rough-but-refined, doesn’t give a fuck if her bare legs get dirty, book on her lap. The first time Magnus introduced them Taako hadn’t really liked her, but for the life of him he can’t remember why. 

Taako’s sprawled longways across a bench. He’s focused on the laptop perched on his knees and he’s not paying a whole lot of attention. She’s gotta repeat herself.

“College suits you,” she says. “Glad you’re here, Taaks. Hey, you got time to help with an assignment later?” She closes her book, stretches, takes the red bandanna out of her hair and shakes it all out, reties it. “Think of it like teaching practise?”

Taako’s got a few hours before he’s gotta pick Ango up from school. “Yeah, alright, give me fifteen minutes,” he says, and she gives him a thumbs up and lays right down on the grass for a nap.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup makes breakfast in Lucretia’s fancy kitchen while she’s sleeping in and Barry’s in the shower. Lucretia’s hardly got anything in the fridge but there’s a cartoon of eggs and enough miscellaneous odds and ends for some decent omelettes.

When Barry comes downstairs, Lup’s dancing in the kitchen, still in her underwear, a pan frying on the stovetop. He’s gotten dressed, a bit awkward in the button up shirt from last night, but she gets that he’s not always comfortable walking around without clothes on. She kisses him good morning and almost can’t believe the thrill of giddiness that tingles up her spine when he kisses back. Her knees feel a bit weak when he pulls back and there’s a moment when they just kinda stare at each other and –

“Oh, fuck, omelette,” Lup says, and dashes to the stove. It’s only a little burned.

 

* * *

 

 

Lucretia picks them up at six fifty on the dot. Lup’s wearing deep purple and her hair’s down. Barry’s got a nice shirt and a suit jacket thrown on over a real pair of pants that aren’t jeans, and Lucretia is honestly, truly breathtaking in royal blue. The restaurant’s nice, sure, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Lup’s dining companions.

They get asked to leave the restaurant because they’re so loud, which Lup thinks is hilarious. They get their desert to go, take it to Lucretia’s. There’s a moment when the merriment dies over chocolate cake and strawberry tart. Lucretia’s got whipped cream smeared on her bottom lip. Lup watches her lick it off. Lucretia says, “Lup,” and Lup drags her eyes away, guilty.

Lucretia sets her fork down. “Lup,” she says again. “I’ve just remembered, I forgot to give you your present.” She reaches for her bag, pulls out two boxes, both thin, one long, one square. She hands Lup the square one first. 

Inside, a teardrop of a ruby on the end of a thin gold chain. Matching earrings. Lup’s never seen anything like it, touches the stones with delicate finger tips, scared her hands are too rough. “Ya’ll are really spoiling me,” she says softly. No one’s ever given her jewellery before.

“Here,” Lucretia says, hands her the other box. Lup takes it, so careful, opens it, looses all her breath in one exhale. It’s a bow. She doesn’t understand, for a second. It’s old, clearly, but it’s been restrung, the old wood carefully restored. If Lup had to guess she’d say it’s a match to the dinged up old thing she’d been crying over this morning. There’s a little scrap of paper tucked in next to it, a receipt for the full restoration of one violin, paid in full.

“You guys planned this,” she accuses.

Lucretia says, “I’m in love with you.”

There’s nothing for Lup to do but lean over the table and kiss her. She’s making soft noises into Lucretia’s mouth when she hears Barry clear his throat, awkwardly, start to rise. “I’m gonna go,” he says uncomfortably, and Lup reaches out and grabs his shirt, pulls him back down. She draws away from Lucretia and turns to him, gentle this time, leans in slow. She’s got one hand one his shoulder and she’s clinging onto Lucretia with the other.

It’s perfect.

 


	12. xii

There’s this little café Taako goes to a lot near campus, tucked in between a sandwich shop and a used bookstore, across the street from the hospital, nice tables outside. Taako’s out there sipping a mocha, soaking in the sun, people-watching behind his shades. The hospital’s always busy.

There’s this one guy Taako sees sometimes, always dressed nice, doesn’t pay much attention to his surroundings. Today he’s got a Starbucks cup in his hand and he’s on the phone, trips over a crack in the sidewalk, barely saves himself from eating the sidewalk, spills his drink all over himself. Taako snort-laughs maybe louder than he should have and the guy jerks his head up, looks over. Taako doesn’t bother to turn away, can’t stop himself from cracking a grin, mock-toasting the guy with his mocha.

The dude’s embarrassed as hell, naturally, covered in coffee. He’s also staring at Taako with an unreadable expression on his face, not hostile, sorta – confused? Brow furrowed, mouth a little open. He’s real handsome. He takes a step towards him like he’s gonna say something. Hopefully not _Hey, murderer!_

Someone stops to see if he’s okay, distracts his attention from Taako for just a second. Taako drains the rest of his drink and gets outta there. He doesn’t gotta know what that’s about.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus throws him a damn surprise party, completely ruins the ‘surprise’ bit by telling him all about it. Taako’s glad for the forewarning. He accepts hugs from Hurls, Ren, Julia, a big old pile of gifts, cake from one of his top five acceptable city bakeries. Laps up all the attention. Gets all flirty with Brian from that one lecture, protests loud when Merle tries to initiate a karaoke party.

The best bit’s the other half of the party, Angus’ belated birthday celebration, kids running around the yard. Taako hadn’t realised the kid had made so many friends – Mavis and Mookie, June, more faces Taako recognises from Ango’s after school reading club, his chess club, and what looks like half the soccer team. Ango’s red-faced and happy, chasing after a new soccer ball. A big cheer goes up when he kicks it into Mags’ garden bed, scores a goal.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup’s been walking on sunshine for weeks. They’re taking it slow, after that first night, agree they’ve got things to talk through. It’s not weird, with the three of them, even though she’d kind of worried it would be. Lucretia’s not into Barry (“I’m a lesbian,” she says simply, and he nods, quietly content with that in a way Lup understands) and Barry’s kind of hung up over the age thing (“I’m nearly _forty_ ,” he says, “You don’t think it’s weird?” Lup doesn’t, but he still gets all anxious sometimes).

It’s so easy, talking to them. Lup doesn’t have to hold her hands still around Barry and she can just ask Lucretia for a kiss any time she wants. They talk it all out.

 

* * *

 

 

The semester just flies by.

 

* * *

 

 

“I am thinking you should go to a support group,” Paloma says. Taako still denies that he’s got an eating disorder, but he goes. Sits through it, doesn’t talk. Goes to his usual appointment with Paloma, acts all flippant about it. She doesn’t try to tell him to go back to the support group, but he does anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

Working’s complicated. Restaurant work’s what Taako’s got on his resume but cooking still makes his hands all shaky, washing dishes doesn’t pay his bills, and he’s not wait staffing for anyone other than Ren. The supermarket gig’s alright, apart from the ugly fucking uniform and the general existence of customers. They pay him more when he works nights, so he does, does classes in the day, tries to keep at least one eye on Angus in between. Taako picks side gigs up when he can – models for an art class, picks up shifts at a dry cleaners, balances the book’s for the Waxman-Burnsides’ carpentry business because none of them can understand basic accounting worth a damn. Keeps his head down, stays out of trouble.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup and Barry keep the separate rooms, spend a lot of time cuddling in the living room. The restoration on the violin’s a quick job – Lucretia’s the type to pay extra – and Lup takes to practising up on the roof, letting the wind and the blue sky swallow the off-key notes and shaky melodies.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m coming to visit,” Lup says. Krav hums on the other end of the line. It’s late, but he works weird hours and Lup’s just back from a date, rubies glittering at in her ears and at her neck, a smudge of Lucretia’s lipstick on her mouth and Barry’s jacket draped around her shoulders.

“Are you bringing your beaus?” he asks, tired, teasing.

“Nah,” she says, “my nerds got work, but I’m free for one weekend and one weekend only.”

“I’ll clear my calendar,” he promises. “I’ve missed you.”

* * *

 

 

Lup’s gotta think about it, is the thing. She’s well and truly put roots down. She could see herself staying here, staying with them, working in that library until she’s old and grey. The thing is, though, that’s not what Lup’s supposed to be doing. She’d decided, way back when, that she’d always keep light and mobile, always on the move, always looking. She’d decided she wasn’t going to stop looking until she found him. What if –

 

* * *

 

 

Taako frowns down at the brownie batch, pokes it with a finger. It smells like heaven, fresh out of the oven. He can’t let anyone eat it.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s the wasting food, he rationalises. Can’t excuse it, no matter the mental gymnastics. His aunt would have boxed his ears if she saw him tosses out plates of perfectly edible food.

 _Perfectly edible,_ he tells himself firmly. It wasn’t his damn fault. He picks up a fork.

 

* * *

 

 

Lup takes them to the tackiest mini golf course she can find. Barry’s surprisingly good at it (“It’s just angles,” he says) but he bungles it on trick holes, so Lup still kicks his ass. Lucretia’s terrible at it. Lup’s not sure she’s ever seen her fail at something. Lup takes them to a mom-and-pop style diner after, plays footsie with Lucretia under the table, pressed into Barry’s side in the booth.

Lup’s always wanted to play laser tag, so Barry takes them there. Lucretia solidly thrashes them both, takes them out for Thai food after. When Barry’s holed up working on a work project Lup invites Lucretia out on Davenport’s little yacht, impresses her with her barely-there sailing skills, comes home freckled and windblown and happy, cooks up one of Marlene’s recipes for Barry when he gets home, kisses the stress of his face.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, Mags,” Taako swallows, reaches into his bag for the plastic container of macaroons, offers them like an olive branch, “I made desert.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So, don’t laugh at me,” Lup says.

Davenport raises an untamed ginger eyebrow, says, “Alright.”

“I’m, uh. Getting my high school diploma.”

It’s clearly not what he was expecting. “Congratulations!” he says, “That’s really on fleek, Lup.” God, she regrets trying to teach him slang. “Are you thinking about college?”

“Nah,” she flicks her hair out of her face, tries to follow the complicated knot he’s tying. “Barry and Luce are so smart, right, sometimes I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up.”

Davenport gives her a gentle look. “You’re very smart yourself.”

“Yeah, I know, and I wanna apply my natural brains and get an education. I wanna be able to talk to them about stuff they love.”

“Have you told them?”

“Not yet. I wanna see if I can hack it first, I’ve barely started. I just – is it dumb?”

“It’s not dumb at all,” he says. They tie knots in silence for a bit. “Have I ever told you about how I met Lucretia?”

 “No?”

“She wrote a book about me. My time in the navy, specifically. She was so young, I thought they’d accidentally sent a high schooler. She’d been alone in the world for a good long while. I wasn’t sure what to think when she told me about her feelings for you.”

“She told you that?”

“Nearly two years ago, now. I’m proud you two. Barry as well. All that pining was really tanking the atmosphere at book club. The three of you are good for each other.”

Lup swallows, focuses on her knots. “Thanks, Cap.”

 

* * *

 

 

Taako keeps going to the support group, sheepishly admits it to Paloma when she asks. He’s not sure why he starts talking that one time at that one meeting, it just pours out of his mouth as his hands fidget, heart hammers.  

 

* * *

 

 

There’s a woman in a burgundy red leather jacket standing in Magnus’ backyard.


	13. xiii

Magnus takes the off-brand Tupperware like it’s made of gold, cradles it in his big hands. Taako wants nothing more than to snatch it back.

 

* * *

 

 

Kravitz really is something. Taako’s not sure what to make of him.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako likes to keep himself nice, but what he considers nice isn’t quite the same as what everyone else considers nice. He’s real fussy about his hands – the length of his fingernails, the type of rings he wears, the hand cream he uses. He gets dry skin on his knuckles, tucked between his fingers. Sometimes he’ll go a couple days without brushing his hair, washing old makeup off his face. He’s methodical with accessories but he’ll go longer than he should between laundry days. Good footwear’s important – he’s spent too many hours working on his feet to dispute that – but he’s historically guilty of being a fucking awful clothes thief. Half his wardrobe’s made up of Magnus’ flannel shirts, Hurley’s old hockey hoodies, skirts Julia never wore, a couple of slinky tops and a pair of jeans Sloane lent him borrow and never took back. An ancient aviator jacket that Taako will never admit belonged to Merle, a pair of Carey’s sunglasses, one of Ren’s bandannas.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, you,” Lup says, sinks into Krav’s open arms. He kisses her forehead, hugs her tight. He’s changed his hair. “Looks good,” she says, lets him scoop her bag up. His new place is nice – small, bare bones, but there’s a nice view from the balcony. No roommates. Not that far from the place Lup beat that guy’s ass that time. There’s decent beer in the fridge.

“What’s this I hear about you getting a diploma?” Krav asks when Lup’s half-hanging off the balcony, trying to see if she can see the ocean from here. There’s the slight issue of buildings in the way, but Lup thinks she sees a glimmer of blue.

“You and Barry been gossiping about me?” Lup asks, drops back onto her feet.

“He’s been bragging about you to anyone that’ll listen,” Krav says, pulls out a passable imitation of Barry’s gravelly drawl, “ _She’s so smart, she’s incredible, I’m head-over-heels in looove_.” She punches him in the arm, gently, barks out a surprised laugh when he pokes the ticklish spot at her waist. They roughhouse a bit like little kids in the mostly unfurnished living room until he pushes himself back, out of breath and giggly, and she leans back against a door frame, surveys the room.

“Show me around the neighbourhood,” Lup says, “I gotta see all the food places. Also, gotta get you to IKEA, this place is pitiful.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Angus doesn’t have a desk – Taako’s working on it, or more specifically Magnus is literally building one – so he does all his homework at the little table crammed into the kitchen. He keeps is stuff in real good order, pencils sharpened, papers un-dogeared, a little plate with a snack on it off to the side. Sometimes Taako sits by him to do studying of his own, or he bustles around in the kitchen not really cooking, or he sneaks out for a smoke (Ango’s been trying to get him to quit, which Taako’s bemused to find is kind of working) and messes around on his phone. Taako rearranges his housework schedule because the kid hates having the vacuum on while he’s focusing and Angus always rushes the end so he doesn’t miss the start of whatever soccer game’s on TV.

 

* * *

 

 

Kravitz is a big old nerd, which Taako can appreciate, funny and kind of awkward and surprisingly petty when he gets riled up and his voice is so soft. He’s a good kisser and he does these stupid impressions and he’s weirdly full of morbid facts. Every second they spend together feels like it’s been dipped in gold.

 

* * *

 

 

Months have gone past before Lup even really notices. Lucretia spends a hell of a lot of time at their apartment, which Lup occasionally bemoans of because Luce’s brownstone is too damn nice to leave standing empty. Lucretia bonds with Dupree pretty much instantaneously.

One night, after, well – Lup’s sharing a shower with Barry because there’s only so much hot water, shampooing his hair, telling a story about some con she and Taako pulled when they were dirtbag teenagers. Lucretia’s had a key for weeks, still sometimes hesitates in just letting herself in, only really does it if she’s had a long day. Barry makes a pot of decaf because Lucretia finds the smell comforting while Lup wraps a towel around her wet hair. They sandwich Luce in a cuddle pile on the couch, put some mindless movie on, talk it out.

 

* * *

 

 

When they were – eight? Eight, maybe nine, they were the king and queen of some schoolyard playground, would sit on the staircase demanding tribute in form of candy and soda.

 

* * *

 

 

God, but he’s changed so much, changed so little. Lup can’t stop looking at him.

 

* * *

 

 

They’re walking back from the Chinese grocer around the corner from their building, hands full of plastic bags, looking for shapes in the fluffy late afternoon clouds.

“That one looks like a cat on a skateboard,” Angus says, points.

Taako tilts his head. “I see it. That one looks like a dick.”  

Angus giggles, ducks his head. “That one looks like a, a butt!” He’s blushing something awful. Taako roars with laughter.

“One day I’m gonna get you to say the fuck word,” Taako says, still snickering.

“I can swear,” Angus protests.

“Prove it, pumpkin.”

“I can say _bullshit_ , sir!”  

A passing soccer-mom type, can-I-speak-to-your-manager haircut, gives them a disapproving look. Taako sticks his tongue out at her, which makes Ango start giggling all over again. Taako doesn’t ever hug him. He wonders about that, sometimes. Taako doesn’t ever ruffle his hair, doesn’t clasp his shoulder, doesn’t – anything, ever. Taako always hated it when anyone who wasn’t Lup touched him up until he got used to Magnus’ tactility, but Angus isn’t Taako. Angus might be just spoiling for a hug.          

“Hey,” Taako says, “you can quit it with that sir shit any time, boychik. I got a name.”    

“Okay,” Angus says carefully, “I think I’m more comfortable with calling you sir for now, but I’ll remember you said that.”

“Sure thing,” Taako says, and shifts the grocery bags in his hand to tentatively offer the kid a fist bump. Angus looks at Taako’s hand like it’s an alien descending from the sky, and after a long minute he makes a little fist and taps it against Taako’s.

Taako jerks his chin up at the sky, says, “That one looks like an alligator riding a unicorn.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lup sometimes still thinks about it. It’s almost an intrusive thought. She could pack her shit and leave any damn time. She’s got money in her savings account, a decent resume. She could just take to the road. Lup had never lived in any one place for longer than eighteen months before and it’s been _three fucking years_ in this city, nearly three years living with Barry, working with Lucretia. Sometimes she thinks about it, and then she sinks back into her life – all the friends she’s made, Barry’s arms, how much she loves her job, the way Lucretia makes her laugh. She doesn’t want to go.

 

* * *

 

 

 “These are _so_ good,” Magnus makes a vaguely sexual noise around a mouthful of cookie. Taako shared a bedroom wall with him for a good two years when they were teenagers, and it brings back bad, bad, terrible memories.

“Keep it in your pants, it’s only a macaroon,” Taako flicks his hair out of his face. It’s getting long, he could do with a trim. He doesn’t want to show how pleased he is, or acknowledge the squirming anxiety nestled somewhere deep in his belly. He glances around, looking for – something. Something’s bothering him about the topography of the barbeque but he can’t quite figure out what.

“Mavis,” he calls out. She looks over, attentive, alone. “Where’s Angus?”

“He’s…” she trails off. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since just after we got here.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, dingus,” Lup says. Her voice tries to catch in her throat, barely makes it out without breaking up into pieces. Taako is just staring at her with big disbelieving eyes.

“Hey, goofus,” he says, barely a whisper, sounding about as steady as she feels. The party has gone real quiet. “What are those _shoes_ ,” he blurts out, like he can’t help it, “that outfit – _please_ tell me you don’t really think that jacket goes with that top.”

“You’re insulting my outfit?” Lup shoots back, “when you’re standing here wearing _that_ , babe, you gotta be kidding me. Did you time-travel back to the _seventies_ when I was gone?”

“Try the _eighties,_ ” he looks her up and down, “you look like you should rocking the underground punk scene, at least I got _class_.”

“I got more class in my toe than you got in your whole body,” Lup says. She’s smiling so big she thinks she might cry. “Is that supposed to be a belt? Are you trying to be _ironic_?”

“I’m a fashion icon and I hope you didn't fucking forget it,” he says. A lot of people are staring at them – Krav, the kid, a big dude, a whole bunch of beautiful women, an old dude in a tie-dye sarong.

“I never forgot anything,” Lup says, and boom, just like that she starts crying.


	14. xiv

 

Taako isn’t panicking.

Angus is a child of the free-range variety, so Taako’s pretty used to him going off on his own. Angus has his own public transport card, knows his way around the city better than Taako does, has a whole crew of adults who look out for him, several of which are police officers.

Angus usually tells Taako where he is, though. It wasn’t Taako’s doing; the kid’s got those perfect manners, thinks its polite to say a proper goodbye to Taako before he goes off with his little satchel over his shoulder. On weekends the kid tends to take off after breakfast and not come back ‘til dinner. He always says, though, where he’s gonna be at – June’s house, the science museum, riding around in the passenger seat of Hurley’s patrol car, beating grown adults at chess at some tournament. Sometimes he just roams around the city, maps out neighbourhoods he’s never been to before, explores. Taako knows first-hand how dangerous some dark corners can be, but he also knows how smart Angus is, how well the kid reads people, how good he is at worming his way out of bad situations. He’s got a little thing of pepper spray in a pocket of his satchel and emergency cash hidden away just in case and Taako brought him a low-end prepaid smart phone after the Sazed thing. Taako trusts him.

 

* * *

 

 

Lucretia says, “Do you think I could pull off short hair?”

It’s loose, her hair, just grazing the place where her neck meets her back. Lucretia’s naked, spine perfectly straight. Lup gets momentarily distracted by the old stretch marks on her breasts, the soft dip of her stomach, the muscles in her forearms, the barely-there dusting of fine hair across her shoulders.

“Hmm?” Lup drops a kiss to her shoulder blade. “Babe, you’d rock a pixie.”

“I was thinking more a buzzcut,” Lucretia says wryly.

“Sexy,” Lup nuzzles her neck, “Want me to?”

“Now?”

“If you want,” Lup says, “Barry’s got an electric shaver, if you’re game.”

Luce bites her lip. “I always wanted it,” she says. “My mother never let me.”

She doesn’t talk about her mother much. It’s not like Lup does either – one salty, bloody memory is all Lup’s got of her, why would she? She thinks sometimes Luce gets jealous of Barry the same way Lup does, never mind that Marlene’s basically adopted them both.

Luce’s mother is in the ground, though, and Lup’s is too.

“I am game,” Lucretia says.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, come on, you know if you cry I’m gonna start too and I really don’t want to fuck up this eyeliner,” Taako says. He’d always cry when she cried when they were little, even if he didn’t know why she was upset.

“You call that eyeliner?” Lup chokes out, brings her hands up to cover her face. She doesn’t need to have a whole bunch of strangers see her face turn red and get all blubbery.

 

* * *

 

 

Angus has never skipped out on a visit to Magnus’, though. Sometimes after school instead of walking home he’ll get the bus to Mags’ to play with the dogs, kick a ball around in the yard. Maybe he felt sick and wanted to go home, Taako reasons. He’s gone that before, snuck out of soccer practice, freaked his coach out.

Taako texts him, _you alright?_ and _call if you need me_.

There’s no response.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hi there,” someone says. Taako looks up from his book, gives the dude a onceover.

“Hi yourself,” he says, sets the book down, leans back. He’s a 10 easy, which, _nice_. Vaguely familiar but Taako can’t place him.

“You don’t remember me,” the guy guesses. He’s smiling, so it can’t be that bad.

“Oh, I definitely do, but, uh, remind me anyway?” Taako takes a sip of his latte, kicks the other chair towards his new friend. An ambulance blares by, rounds the corner to where Taako assumes the hospital’s ambulance bay is.

Handsome sits down. “We didn’t really meet the other week,” he says. “You were focused on your sister.”

“Lup’s friend!” Taako snaps his fingers. “Hell yeah, I remember you now, don’t think I ever got your name.”

“I’m Kravitz.” Dude actually offers his hand. Taako shakes it, bemused, runs his thumb over soft skin before he pulls back. There’s a man who moisturises. Trims and files his nails, too. A ring on his little finger that looks like real gold. He’s got Taako’s full and undivided attention.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey babes,” Lup says, grins lazily at her phone. The video call’s a little patchy but she can see Barry’s relaxed smile, Lucretia’s warm eyes. “Hey, you’re never gonna guess what I found.”

Taako hooks his chin over her shoulder, looks real bored for someone whose eyes are sparkling with curiosity. “Who’re these fools?” he says.

Barry sits up in an abrupt move, reaches for his glasses. Luce gasps, high and happy, brings a hand up as if to guard her blooming smile. “Holy fuck,” Barry says once he gets his glasses on, sitting crooked on his nose. “I mean, shit. Hi. I’m Barry Bluejeans?”

“ _Legally_?” Taako asks, drops the bored act. “Wow, Lulu-belle, you got yourself some primo nerds.” Approving, not that he’d say it.

“Don’t ever fucking call me that again,” she says, reaches up to touch his face because she can. “Babes, this is Taako.” Her helpless smile must be contagious because they’re both grinning too.

“Hello, Taako,” Lucretia says from behind her hand, all shy. The buzzcut makes her look all sorts of regal but she’s fallen back to schoolgirl manners. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Angus does not text back.

Maybe his phone died, Taako thinks. Magnus is really getting worried now. Even Merle’s face is slowly sinking into a frown.

“You took off all the time,” Merle points out weakly. “He’ll come back. You always did.”

“I was seventeen and an asshole,” Taako is trying very hard not to snap. “He’s – it’s different.” He’s restless on his feet, fishes his keys out of his pocket and jingles them. “I’m gonna ride home real quick and see if he’s there,” Taako says, “maybe do some laps of the neighbourhood.”

 

* * *

 

 

One time when Lup was twenty-one she was in a bar. Well, more than one time, but this one time in particular was the third time she hung out with Barry outside of book club. It was a nice place. Real leather seats, flat screen TVs on the walls. There was one dude who brought Lup a drink and then won’t take no for an answer. “If you’re trying to pay me for sex it’s gonna take a _lot_ more than a five-dollar beer,” Lup had said, loudly. Barry had tried, failed to choke back a laugh somewhere behind her. Lup remembers looking back at him and noticing for the first time that he was handsome. She remembers, like a photograph, like a painting – the stubble on his jaw, his hair curling behind his ears, how well his glasses suited his face, how green his eyes are.

 

* * *

 

 

They cut each other’s hair for years, with mixed results. Taako could always get the back neat and even but one time Lup decided she wanted a fringe and it came out just _awful_. Taako got her to shave his head once, which clued them in for the first time to how big and weird their ears are. They’d alter all their own clothes, too – Lup referred to it as _editing clothes,_ which drove Taako up the wall – because thrift shop threads never did fit quite right. They were used to the shape of someone else’s body, Lup thought, spent years carefully learning to hang the right way and then bam, new person, new body.

 

* * *

 

 

Angus is not at home. Taako still is very stubbornly not panicking. He does a few laps of his neighbourhood, then Magnus’, then the ones where Angus hangs out sometimes, then his again. Makes some phone calls. Rides back to Magnus’, defeated. He’ll conscript the barbeque goers to start making phone calls, Killian and Hurley are cops, they’ll know what to do –

He’s distracted, so he doesn’t really notice her right away. It takes a couple seconds. There’s a woman, in Mags’ yard, chatting with Jules. She’s the exact same height as him, a little thinner but curvier. She’s wearing a shimmery grey shirt under a deep red jacket, which, _no_. She looks a bit like him, Taako thinks distantly. She’s got that – the shape of her face, the curve of her nose, the old faded freckles. She looks a lot like him. Taako thinks he might be dissociating, just a little, or maybe dreaming – has he hit his head lately? He can’t remember.

“Hey, dingus,” she says. That smile, the tiny chip off her canine tooth where she fell off an escalator that one time, Taako had laughed at her for weeks. What is she _wearing?_ Imitation Doc Martins with those jeans, _why_?  

“Hey, goofus,” he replies.

 

* * *

 

 

Krav takes her to a little Polish deli near his apartment. It smells incredible. Lup strikes up conversation with the weathered older women behind the counter, orders more food than she and Krav can eat in one sitting. There’s a couple tables outside in the sun, and she doesn’t understand what languages the other diners are speaking in. They pool their resources to leave a big tip – Lup’s definitely coming back here before she goes home – and walk down to the harbour, bask in the sun. Lup makes fun of Krav for stopping to take a selfie against the backdrop of the sparkling blue sea, but she poses next to him anyway. They’re reading boat names off hulls and turning them into puns when a little boy in a tiny bowtie comes up to them.

“Excuse me, ma’am, sir,” he says, takes a deep breath. “My name is Angus McDonald.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaayyy 20k


	15. xv

Kravitz calls an Uber.

“Kid,” Lup says, “how the fuck?”

The kid fidgets a little in the back seat, kind of in the same way Taako does. “I’ve been looking for you for a while, ma’am,” he says. “You don’t have any social media, that made it a little difficult, but Doctor Kravitz Macalister and Barry Hallwinter do. They mention you multiple times on their respective Facebook pages and you’re in Mr Hallwinter’s profile picture, so after some digging it wasn’t hard to confirm your identity. I narrowed down your general location and was planning a trip to you when Dr Macalister posted several times about your upcoming visit. It was the _perfect_ opportunity.” Angus McDonald is getting excited, looking pretty pleased with himself. “There are pictures of the apartment Dr Macalister recently moved into on his Instagram account, and I reverse image searched them to find an old real estate listing that included the address. This morning Doctor Macalister posted that you had arrived, so I was already on my way when the selfie of the two of you was uploaded. He uses location services – you should disable that, sir – so I knew where you were, and I just went there and looked around until I found you!”

Lup whistles through her teeth. “Damn, kid.”

Krav says, “I think I need to update my privacy settings.” The Uber driver looks perplexed as to why this is happening in their car.

“You’re very easy to track,” the kid agrees. “You shouldn’t eat at fast food establishments so often. You’ll get high cholesterol and Taako says it’s nasty food.”

“How do you know Taako?” Lup asks quick, before Krav can respond.

“Oh,” Angus says. “I live with him.”

Lup stares at him. “Like, a roommate’s kid or something?”

“I would more accurately say that I am the roommate,” the kid answers. “But he doesn’t make me pay rent, so maybe it’s more like a foster home, but child services didn’t put me there. Sometimes he calls me his little brother.”

“You had nowhere and he took you in.” Lup surmises and _oh, Taako._

“He kept saying I’d have to leave once the snow melted,” the kid says. “But that was one year, five months, and nineteen days ago. He’s putting me through school.”

Lup’s got something in her eye. “Is he okay? After – everything.”

Angus McDonald considers it. “I think so,” he says. “Now, at least.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lup’s still crying, hidden behind her hands. There’s nothing else for him to do but go to her. He opens his arms and she falls right into them, and her weight is solid against him and she smells like fruity shampoo and cheap perfume and the ocean. She curls her hands into tight fists in his shirt and he presses their foreheads together for a moment before she buries her face in his neck and sobs out _“I missed you so much_.”

“I’m so sorry,” he says into the top of her head. “Lu, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He legs feel shaky and he’s completely fucked up his eyeliner and _wow,_ this is mortifying. Over Lup’s shoulder he can see – Hurley politely not staring, Magnus gaping, Angus grinning so big next to a softly smiling dude Taako doesn’t know.

 

* * *

 

 

Merle and Kravitz seem to genuinely enjoy each other’s company, which is not something Taako would have ever expected. It’s not like Taako’s got a lot of experience with bringing guys home, but the last (and only) couple times it had been more Merle putting on his senile-old-man routine and Magnus glaring than...whatever this is.

“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen in the emergency room?” Merle asks eagerly.

“Guy with his dick stuck in a Pepsi,” Kravitz says immediately. “It was my first week, they made me deal with it.”

Merle roars with laughter, slaps his knee. “When I was in the army there was a fella who tried to fuck a lemon,” he chuckles. “Said his piss was stinging for _weeks_!”

Kravitz’s laugh is inelegant, messy, beautiful.

 

* * *

 

 

They cling to each other for what must be a good ten minutes before Jules starts shepherding people inside, once it becomes apparent they’ve got no intention of letting each other go.

They have to eventually, though. Lup’s wiped her face but missed half the mascara streaks. Taako doesn’t imagine he looks much better. They’re sitting on Mags’ deck, legs hanging off the side, shoulder to shoulder, watching the sun sink down the sky. There’s barely been a pause in conversation for two hours (“ _You’ve got a_ kid _!”_ and _“I’m in college,”_ and _“I got the most amazing partners – oh, holy fuck, I found fucking_ Garyl _!_ ”) and Lup’s brought up short by surprise when a yawn cuts off the tail end of her sentence. It’s gotten cold, Taako realises. He helps her up – her legs are shaky, he’s shivering and all sniffily, this is a _mess_.

Taako hadn’t noticed everyone leaving, but Mags’ place is mostly empty. Him and Jules, digging right into the big bowl of salad that was supposed to be for everyone, the savages. Angus, sitting cross legged on the couch with a hot chocolate talking to the dude Taako doesn’t know. He only overhears a few seconds of conversation – “I can’t believe they’re still making them. They were my favourite thing in the world when I was your age, I stayed up all night reading the one with the grave robbers…” “Caleb Cleveland and the Case of the Missing Dead, sir, I’ve got a signed copy of that one!” – before they get noticed and everyone kind of stops.

“Hey,” Taako says, voice rough, “Kid. I changed my mind.”

“Sir?”

“I do wanna know where you are, preferably at all times, and don’t you ever fuckin’ scare me like that ever again.” Taako crosses his arms. Angus looks appropriately chastised, nods his heads, eyes downcast.

“Yes, sir,” he says. “I promise I won’t do it again, sir.”

“Good,” Taako says, and, “Can I give you a hug, pumpkin?”

Angus runs into his arms, too.

 

* * *

 

 

As much as Lup had kind of wanted to sleep on Taako’s couch for the rest of ever, three weeks is long enough. Sinking into Barry’s arms, sleeping in her own bed with the people she loves so much, is kind of the second best feeling ever.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako wakes up, late in the morning, just about dying for a glass of water. He can hear Angus giggling somewhere in the apartment, the lilt of Lup’s voice, the sound of – glass against metal? Hopefully breakfast. He stumbles out, wonders if there’s coffee, and a bucket of water crashes down on his head.

Angus busts up laughing.

“ _Classic_ ,” Lup says, standing over a frying pan, snickering. “Your _face_ , oh man.”

Angus hands him a towel, still giggling.

“She is a _bad_ influence on you,” Taako says, fighting a grin. Has he still got itching powder stashed away somewhere?

 

* * *

 

Waking up next to Kravitz is – incredible. It’s something about how the morning sun comes in through Taako’s window, bathes him in soft golden light. The way he blinks awake – a little disorientated, not any kind of morning person – smiles all soft at Taako, all wrapped up soft in a big blanket. It makes Taako uncomfortably sentimental, and also horny.  

 

* * *

 

 

Lup didn’t really believe the kid, is something. She’d _wanted_ to, of course she did, but – how often does a random kid come up to you and just hand you what you’ve been searching for for _years_? It hadn’t felt real until she was crying all over Taako’s ugly shirt.

 

* * *

 

 

“It’s not like it’s long distance,” Barry says. “An hour and a half up the road, hardly anything.” Taako had been _right there_ all these damn years. Just across state lines.

“You’d drive up to see me,” Lup says. She doesn’t doubt it. Luce, too. Half of her wants to – pack her shit, move in with Taako. God, she wants to.

It’s the other half of her that’s the problem, clinging onto this home here. Lup made this home all by herself. She’s earned this – Barry and Luce and Davenport and all her friends, the library, that one little diner she loves, the park with the ducks, the thrift store on the corner. She loves this home. But Taako –

“I think I need to think about it more,” Lup says. “Tell me about this robotics thing you’re doing?”

“Alright,” Barry says, kisses her, launches into an explanation.

 

* * *

 

 

 Taako finishes his latte, eyes Lup’s friend over. “So, do you wanna go on a date with me, hotshot?” he asks.

Handsome Kravitz just about chokes on his tongue, which. Taako doesn’t refrain from laughing at him. He can’t wait to tell Lup.

“I’d like that,” Handsome says.

 

* * *

 

 

The lawyer comes looking for them in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next one's the last chapter!!


	16. xvi

She fits back into his life like she never left. God damn, but he missed her.

 

* * *

 

 

The teaching placement puts him with the sixteen-year-old delinquents, possibly as a test of fortitude. Taako aces it. They’re eating out of his hand by the end of the week.

 

 

* * *

 

 The lawyer’s name is Antonia.

“I work for Sterling and Sons,” she says, which means absolutely nothing to Lup. She hopes they’re not getting sued.

“We’ve been trying to track you two down for quite some time,” Lawyer Antonia says. “Email and phone don’t seem to be a good way to reach you?”

“I thought it was a scam,” Taako says, examines his nails.

“The two of you were entitled to come into an inheritance on your twenty-first birthday,” Antonia says. She looks through them rather than at them; blind, if Lup’s not mistaken. She’s got nice hair and a sharp business outfit.

“What inheritance?” Lup scoffs. “Our parents did _not_ have any money.”

Taako snorts. “Yeah, you can say that again,” he says. Lup wonders if he remembers sleeping in the back of their father’s car still wrapped in their baby blankets or if she dreamed that up.

“Your mother’s sister did,” Antonia says. “I believe it came from the sale of a farm? The money was left to you two.”

Taako stills. Lup stills. She wonders if Antonia can feel the atmosphere of the room change.

“How much?” Taako asks.

Antonia tells them.

 

* * *

 

 “Swell’s up near Merle’s,” Taako says idly. Lup makes an interest noise on the other end of the line; she’s come up for a few little visits but mostly they’ve just been talking on the phone. Taako had to upgrade to unlimited calls, has taken to walking around talking to her when he’s doing random shit.

“You thinkin’ beach day?” Lup says.

“You know it,” Taako grins in the dark, tries to keep quiet. Ango’s asleep in the next room. ”You, ah. You should bring your people, I’ll bring mine. We’ll make a weekend of it.”

 

* * *

 

 “My dude,” Taako says, weakly.

“You better not be fucking with us,” Lup says. Even split two ways, that’s – that’s –

 

* * *

 

 Taako misses _Sizzle It Up_ , is the thing. Not all the time. Not a lot. Not really _Sizzle It Up_ in particular, but just – the attention it brought. A million Twitter followers, people dedicating whole blogs to how beautiful he is, getting recognized in the street once or twice.

 He can’t do that again, though. Making desert for Mags is one thing, packing Ango lunches, throwing together a quick stir fry. He can do that. Reviving _Sizzle It Up,_ though. It feels. Disrespectful, maybe, to the dead. He doesn’t want to be dealing with those nightmares again. Getting through one year of therapy’s been hard enough.

But another thing is, vlogging is where it’s _at_ right now. There’s a thousand boring, uncharismatic, frankly bad-looking fools making a brand for themselves by doing nothing in particular. It doesn’t have to be food, doesn’t gotta be cooking. He’s _Taako_. If anyone can make themself something by sitting in front of a camera talking, it’s him. Maybe just a weekend gig, he thinks. A little triumphant return, quiet and important.

 

* * *

 

 Lup lived with Kravitz for two years and can definitely recognize the sound of his morning shower singing. She raises an eyebrow at Taako.

“I didn’t know you were coming down,” he says innocently. Wearing a nice black shirt that Lup got Krav for his birthday once.

“I left you for literally one week,” Lup says. “ _Nice_.” They fist bump. Krav’s awful embarrassed, when he wanders out of the bathroom with a towel slung low across his hips. Lup fist bumps him, too.

 

* * *

 

“I’m staying here,” Lup says. It falls out of her like a feather from a bird’s nest, like a stone, like a confession. Barry’s half asleep but he says, “Babe,” and Lucretia, on her other side, sits up.

“I’m staying,” Lup says again. “I’m not moving in with Taako.”

“ _Babe_ ,” Barry says again, sits up too. Lup has no choice but to join them in the land of the vertical, which, urgh.

“I thought about it,” she says, pulls the blankets up over herself, like a shield. “Taako and me, we’re, like. We got ripped apart, yeah, and he means the actual world to me, but we made lives for ourselves. Separate lives. And I don’t think it’s healthy to give that up now.”

Luce takes her hand. They let her talk. “He’s only an hour and a half up the road.” Just across state lines. “I can drive up to see him literally any time, and he can come down here. We were crazy co-dependent when we were kids, I know that, we had to be, but we’re not anymore. Now, we can be fine not living in each other’s pockets. And I don’t know, maybe a few years down the line we’ll change our minds, but. We talked about it, me and him. And we agreed. We’re both staying.”

 

* * *

 

 “ _Seven figures_ ,” Taako crows. “Each. We’re fucking – we’re _rich_.” Taako can pay his rent, weeks overdue. Angus can go to any college he wants.

“Fucking rich pricks!” Lup grabs his hands. “ _Us_. Holy shit, babe. We’re _loaded_!”

Taako remembers that day in Tostada’s kitchen like a daydream, saturated and warm. His stomach was so full and she said, Auntie said –

The money from the farm indeed, twelve years of building interest included. Seven fucking figures each.

 

* * *

 

 “ _Dad_ ,” Taako whines, exasperated, “hustle it, come on, you’re making us super fucking late, it’s well past fashionable –“

Merle says, “Did you just call me ‘Dad’?”

“I said ‘old man’,” Taako lies, “yikes, my dude, are you losing your hearing now? Come on.”

 

* * *

 

 Angus McDonald isn’t swimming. He’s examining a rock pool with a little magnifying glass, poking at shells, nudging rocks over to look underneath. Lup wanders over to him.

“Hey, kiddo,” she says.

“Hello, ma’am!” Angus chirps. “I found a star fish!” He shows her, a little reddish thing clinging to a rock.

“That’s sick,” Lup says, bends down for a closer look. Angus offers the magnifying glass. Barry’d be into this shit, she figures, but Taako kidnapped him a while back for swimming lessons.

“There’s a crab too,” Angus says, “but it went under a rock. Oh, and I saw a sea anemone!”

It’s a truly gorgeous day, not a single cloud in the sky. Angus takes Lup to another rock pool, this one a little bigger.

“There’s fish in this one,” he says, “but I didn’t want to poke around too much because I thought I saw an octopus.”

“Seafood, tasty,” Lup says, right as her stomach rumbles. Angus laughs, bright and happy. “We packed a picnic,” Lup tells him. “You getting hungry?”

Angus nods eagerly, then eyes the distance back to everyone else. “Race you?” he suggests.

Lup grins. “Oh, you’re on! Wait, shit, no, I wasn’t ready!”

“I’ll save you a plate!” Angus calls over is shoulder. Lup takes off running after him.

 

* * *

 

Lup gets on like a house on fire with Magnus and Julia. She gets on with everyone, those few weeks she stays with him.

She was always like that. Taako doesn’t need to hide behind her anymore, is the change. He gets an afternoon off work one day a little after Lup goes back to her place, takes his bike down the highway. Lup’s apartment is pretty average – not that big, not real fancy. Lived in, in the way that happy homes get. She takes him up onto the roof, plays for him.

Taako sits still, silent for once, just listens. She’s better than she was when she was thirteen.

“Doesn’t sound like a squealing pig anymore,” Taako offers when she lowers the bow.

“Fuck you,” Lup says, grinning.

“Remember that time some neighbour called the cops ‘cos it sounded like someone was getting murdered?”

“It was a noise complaint, asshole,” she elbows him. “Hey, remember that time I got handcuffed to a bike rack?”

He bursts out laughing. “I shoplifted locksmith’s tools from that hardware store. Shit, did I tell you one time me and Mags got busted at a music festival?”

“What’d you do?”

“Listen, I maintain that we were innocent…”

 

* * *

 

 Taako doesn’t go to Paloma’s much anymore, but he still goes, every now and then. The support group, even less often. But he still goes.

 

* * *

 

 “Hey, so, I have fun with you,” Taako says.

“I have fun with you too,” Kravitz replies, bites into a strawberry. They’re eating fruit out of Taako’s fridge in their underwear. Taako’s sitting cross-legged on the counter. It’s so easy, with Kravitz. Spending time with him is like flowing water, like clear country air.

“I’d, uh. See. Listen,” Taako says. Kravitz waits. “I wanna go steady with you,” Taako says, because it’s the nearest he can manage to _I’m serious about the future of this relationship_.

Krav smiles like he gets it, leans in for a kiss. “Darling,” he says, “that’s gay.”

Taako snorts out a laugh, wraps his arms around Krav’s neck. “ _You’re_ gay,” he says into the corner of Krav’s mouth.

Krav pulls back a bit, says, “I’m serious about you,” all soft. God, how is it so easy for him to just whip his feelings out all the time? He tastes like strawberries, like maybe Taako’s falling in love with him.

 

* * *

 

They visit their aunt’s grave.

It’s not a spur of the moment trip. It takes them a while to even find it. Their unreliable memories don’t help with that, until Lup has the idea to call and see if Antonia knows, which she does, and then there’s the planning – mutual time off work and school, when Magnus can look after Angus for a bit. They get plane tickets, for the first damn time ever, because they can afford those now.

“She really cared about us, huh?” Taako had wondered, for a while. Maybe she felt guilty. Maybe there was no one else to leave the money to.

She’s buried next to Tostada. Taako hadn’t expected that. He wonders who had organised the funeral, who had buried her, who keeps a vase of fresh flowers on the grave. She wasn’t an affectionate woman. Distant, even. Strict, sometimes. She had loved them. She’d loved them, even if only by obligation, even if only by blood. Grandpa hadn’t been so bad, either.

Lup takes his hand. She’s brought flowers – bright, maybe too cheery for a graveyard, brilliant yellow sunflowers wrapped in brown paper – and she takes a couple out of the bouquet to lay on Tostada’s grave. _Thanks for the home, old fella,_ Taako thinks. _Thanks for never beating us. Thanks for the riding lessons_.

“Thank you for the food,” Lup’s saying to their aunt’s headstone. “Sorry we were such brats. Thank you for our futures.”

There’s a bite to the breeze, and as they walk away Taako notices a few yellow petals get swept up in the wind, swirling around their heads.

 

* * *

 

 Magnus hoots, cheers, pumps his fists in the air. Julia offers Angus a high-five. The afternoon light’s gone all soft and fuzzy. Somewhere behind them, the sun is setting. Most of the other beachgoers are packing up, heading for home, so their big group has plenty of room to kick a soccer ball around.

Lup collapses in the sand next to Taako, flushed, hair messy, out of breath. “I’m done,” she says, holds her hands up, palms flat. Barry bailed out a while back but Lucretia’ still going strong, stealing the ball out from under Hurley’s feet and passing it to Killian; Carey does an over-the-top somersault across the sand to snatch it from her wife. There seems to be three separate teams playing. It’s very confusing.

Merle, Davenport, and Julia’s dad are doing some pseudo-distinguished old man thing, covertly sharing a flask. Someone kicks the ball wide and it goes rolling off down the beach, chased by – pretty much everyone. Sloane reaches it first, kicks it back up towards Kravitz, who sends it to Angus, who darts right past Magnus and gets another goal.

Taako stretches his legs, presses his toes into the sand. He’s sore and tired – rustier on a surfboard than he’d thought he’d be, he wonders how he’ll go on Garyl’s back – and content, somewhere deep in his bones. He tips his head sideways to rest on Lup’s shoulder, and she cards her fingers through his salt-encrusted hair. Yeah, Taako thinks. This is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's a wrap, folks. it's been a helluva ride. and honestly, the feedback and support has been insane and lovely. youse are an incredible bunch, so kind & welcoming & invested, and it really makes me wanna write more and more and more, so i'm gonna try. Thank you all for reading!


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